• Category Archives Main
  • “My cake is dough.” William Shakespeare

    While I was making the bi-weekly fried dough breakfast that my daughter adores, it dawned on me today that I’ve been making beignets off and on for years now.  Spell checker still doesn’t like that word, and I have to double check every time I type it. “I” before “E” and the French…

    I digress.

    Since I’ve been making them for a while, I’ve got a few fast tricks that I use that makes prep and cleanup super, SUPER fast.  If you’ve ever thought about making them (or have made them and regret the mess you made and haven’t since) hopefully these tips/tricks should help you out. I’m not going to cover all the steps – the box has those, I’ll try to highlight my speed tricks.

    Note: While I have gotten WAY more proficient in the kitchen, I’m still using the Cafe Du Monde box mix.  I haven’t tried all the homemade recipes (yet), I just happen to have the box mix down to a science, and there’s a LOT of ingredients in the homemade that I haven’t purchased yet. In short, I’m lazy and usually this a morning process.

    Step 1:

    Buy the Box Mix at the store or order it online. (Duh) Kroger here carries it locally. Also buy a candy thermometer if you want to go pro or plan on making them with some regularity. Candy thermometer also has other multiple uses in the kitchen.

    Step 2:

    Throw on some Mickey Baker (or any other suitable twangy guitar music). Make some espresso/coffee, you’ll be handling hot oil and need to be awake (and careful).

    Step 3:

    Decide if you need a full batch or a half batch. Full batch calls for 2 cups of mix and 7 ounces of water. If you’re trying this for the first time, try a half batch. A half batch will be 1 cup of mix and 3.5 ounces of water (yay math!). Make sure you try to get as close to 3.5 oz as possible. The more experience you have making them, you can be a little “off” and still compensate with mix. Half batch is usually good for one person. Full batch can also be for one person that eats a lot.

    Step 4:

    Warm up your oil. At this point I use a really deep pan, and a WHOLE bottle of Crisco Canola oil (1.5qt). I use this oil over and over for beingets specifically until it gets nasty – see steps for straining the gunk out at step 13.  If you don’t plan on reusing it, make sure you pour the box recommended 1 or 2 inches of oil. The more oil you use, the more consistent the heat transfer is (and more consistently they cook).  Here is also where the candy thermometer comes in. They recommend 370 degrees, and it’s extremely hard to measure that without a thermometer. If the oil is too cool, it takes longer to cook and they get harder from overcooking. Too hot and they get flash fried and burned within a matter of seconds (and you risk a house fire). Thermometer = good investment.

    Step 5:

    Put on the rubber/latex gloves. GLOVES? Yes, gloves. I buy the 100 pack at the store, they’re pretty useful all over the house when there’s something nasty that needs to be done and my dainty guitar playing fingers need protection (cue tiny violins). The dough mix and water get really sticky. REALLY sticky.  I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be a perfect water to mix ratio that makes it perfectly not-sticky, but in my experience (years), gloves keep you from getting sticky dough EVERYWHERE. The first time I made beingets, there was a sink full of dirty/dough-sticky plates, pans and utensils and doughy fingerprints EVERYWHERE.  Cheater? Yes. Lazy? Yes, we have covered that.

    Step 6:

    Sprinkle some drops of water on your countertop (stay with me now).  Tear off a small sheet of saran wrap (this becomes your prep surface) and lay it on the water droplets.  The water makes the saran wrap stick to the counter. (Thanks go specifically to my ex-wife who taught me that one)

    Step 7:

    Sprinkle some flour on the saran wrap. Transfer your dough from the bowl to the saran wrap. (Make sure to put soapy water in your bowl so the leftover sticky mix doesn’t turn to concrete.) Your oil should still be heating up (it takes a while).  Sprinkle more flour on the dough and push it down flat with your hand. The box recommends using a roller – and that’s good – but I don’t use one, it’s a pain to clean. I flatten it by hand until it’s about the recommended 1/8th inch (or so, I’ve never exactly measured it). The point of using a roller is to get out all the air bubbles. If you don’t use a roller your beignets can puff up in the middle. They don’t look as “pretty”. I go for speed/ease-of-cleanup. Pick your battles.  At this point I’ve already removed the gloves (after flour).

    DSC01185

    Step 8:

    Use a pizza cutter to cut your dough into squares. You can cut other fancy shapes (go you!), but the pizza roller is FAST and nothing sticks to it. I used to use the flat side of a butter knife, but it got messy.

    Step 9:

    Once the oil has warmed up, lay them in (carefully, remember this is boiling oil). For a half batch, I will typically throw them all in one by one.  You’ll see the temp drop down (if you were smart enough to buy the thermometer) to about 340 or so, that’s fine.  A full batch will suffer from “pan crowding” where the temperature drops too low, and you have to stop halfway through to let the oil heat back up.  Throw away your saran wrap while they are cooking.  Even with a full half batch, they will cook FAST.  If you try to cook them to the same color you’ve seen them at Cafe Du Monde, you will probably have a burnt beignet. I suspect that they use their oil for quite a while and have hundreds of batches of beignets going through it.  Fresh oil will have a different heat retention than well used oil.   I tend to let them cook for about 2-3 minutes on one side, then flip them using tongs.  Have a plate with paper towels ready for removal.

    Step 10:

    After less than probably 5-6 minutes, they’ll be done and you can remove them one by one onto your plate.

    Step 11:

    Using either a cake duster or a strainer (my favorite), pour your powdered sugar into it. Dust your beignets.  I know, you’re saying, “But the ones in NOLA are COVERED in PILES of SUGAR!”.  Yes, they are. This is a home process.  You can put sugar however you like but you will be blowing through BAGS of powdered sugar at a time, and you’ll have huge piles of sugar on the plate when all the beignets are gone. Kind of a waste.  I did it when I started, and it was fun for a while, then reality set in.
    Blurry – sorry:

    DSC01187

    Step 12:

    Turn off the burner that your oil is sitting on. Serve the beignets. Enjoy undeserved compliments for a process that a child could follow (as long as you didn’t burn yourself anywhere in the process).

    Step 13:

    Here’s the cleanup of the oil that’s fast and easy.  If you plan on reusing your oil, read on. If you don’t plan on reusing it, dispose of it in a manner that is approved by your local city authority.

    Since I reuse the oil, I originally bought a 100 pack of cone disposable coffee filters. Once the oil gets cool, get a funnel, put the coffee filter in the funnel and pour the oil through it into your original oil bottle. I typically mark the bottle with a sharpie so my other cooking endeavors don’t start tasting like beignets.  This tends to take a while since oil kind of clogs up the filter and several passes have to be made.

    Since I went pro (and have numerous coffee making gadgets all over my house), I have a reusable mesh coffee filter that serves the same purpose. I think you can pick those up at your local grocery store, I think that’s where I got mine.  I don’t recommend really using this if you actually make coffee with it – I don’t own a drip coffee machine, so it doesn’t matter to me.  Straining your oil will get out all the cooked flour and dough particles that didn’t stick to the beignets themselves and make your oil last longer. With the reusable mesh, the oil takes only one pass to strain (less than 3 minutes for a 1.5L bottle.)

    So, there’s my steps for fast and easy prep cleanup. To tally the (minimal) dirty utensils:

    Bowl
    Spoon (mixing dough)
    Pizza Cutter
    Cooking Pan/Pot
    Roller (optional)
    Strainer (or powdered sugar duster)
    Funnel
    Tongs
    Mesh Coffee Filter (optional)
    Plate that you served the beignets on

    Not bad! Enjoy!


  • “Don’t talk to me about Naval tradition! It’s nothing but rum, sodomy, and the lash” Winston Churchill

    Wow, has time flown by.

    My work situation went from “Dead Man Walking” to “Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On”. Since I don’t have an editor looking over my shoulder, I’ll assume it’s okay to mix my metaphors.

    Regardless, I’ve been so busy that I only just got to sit down with an emergency beer and type out some thoughts about what I was up to recently.

    The biggest and most entertaining (by far) was the trip to Tiki Oasis 2013. This year’s theme was Hulabilly, next year’s is Beatnik. They’ve been throwing this shindig for over ten years now, it’s massive.

    Tiki Oasis 2013
    http://tikioasis.com

    First off, I’m going to admit that I’m stealing some of these images off the internet.  Mostly because I’m really bad at taking a lot of pictures, but also I find I enjoy the event/occasions more if I’m not constantly thinking about how I’ll blog about it. (Lastly, there was a lot of rum involved). I’ll credit where appropriate.

    I’ll admit, Tiki is not necessarily my favorite of all the twang sub-genres, but I was coaxed into it once I heard that Southern Culture on the Skids was headlining. I figured I couldn’t go wrong if they were playing.

    Unfortunately, we had some plans on Friday that couldn’t be shifted, so our plan was to fly out early Saturday.

    View in El Paso from one of the airport bars (I think):

    gowestyoungman

    We arrived on Saturday evening, and settled into our local retro-hotel, Kings Inn. I really liked this place.  Here’s a view from the balcony (as usual in California, everything is stacked up). If I remember correctly, that weird purple Chrysler is our rental.

    quakeproof

    We got decked out pretty quick (starving….since I think my only food consumption was an olive and a celery stick conveniently dunked in tomato/vodka liquid combination in El Paso)

    Arrived at the venue, and hooollleeee crap. This place is huuuuuge. They took over the WHOLE hotel. This pic is from last year, same deal.  You can see some vendors in this shot, plenty of people, the walls of the hotel rising up to the sides (filled with Tiki enthusiasts). Some of the balconies were decorated, it was a huuge party.

    The WHOLE Hotel
    http://modernkiddo.com

    Here’s a pic from the actual event program. You can see where the stage is located in relation to the pool, and see how massive this event is. Did I mention it’s huge? There’s still two other pages with artist gallery and more vendors. Geez.

    layout

    Our first pit stop was the hotel restaurant. If there was any issue I had with the entire event it might have been how overwhelmed the hotel staff was there. Everything else was smooth, but we were pretty starving.

    I ran into the one and only Tavo Vega of Nocturne Pedals while we were eating. I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but his son was wearing a shirt bearing the logo of one of my favorite pedals, the Ubangi Stomp.  Tavo totally hooked me up with a Ubangi shirt. If you’re a guitar player, check his stuff out, hand made stomp pedals in the US of A. I’ve got the Ubangi, the Fuzz Ray, the Seltzerado, and an original cola sparkle Brain Seltzer.

    Since it was already Saturday, we had missed some Friday festivities, and were a little late for vendors – so we ran around and talked to some friends from Texas that were performing. Also began consuming rum.

    prerum
    Pre-Rum

    Easily one of the largest events dedicated to low-brow-tiki-hot-rod that I’ve ever been to, Saturday evening’s official festivities was capped off with a performance by Southern Culture on the Skids. (Yes, one of my favorite bands)

    party_time

    At 10pm sharp, the band shut down with a quick “Daddy was a Preacher, Mama was a go-go girl”. Apparently Tiki Oasis has had some noise complaints in the past (the hotel is in a canyon, so I imagine the sound just ricochets up and down the entire length).

    Then, the room parties started.

    Wow. Just wow. Imagine hotel suites getting taken over for a room party, bands, booze, dancing….

    I didn’t take any pictures, but they were FUN.

    We sacked out pretty early after visiting some parties and hanging out.

    Sunday, we decided to go check out some of San Diego. There are a lot of palm trees.  And the Regal Beagle (which I thought was hilarious, although we didn’t go there)

    atthebeach
    At the beach, shoes full of sand.

    pano

     

     

    One of the last non-Tiki-Oasis things we did was eat at Bali Hai. I can’t say enough about this place, the food is amazing. The decor is very polynesian, the food is superb. In my top five two places I’ve ever eaten.  Nuff said.
    bali

     

    We made it back to Tiki Oasis shortly before the vendors closed and picked up some swag. Caught Big Sandy, hung out with Tana the Tattooed Lady (winner of Miss Tiki Oasis 2013!), and gabbed with Dave Hartman.

    threestooges

     

    Monday meant a little more sightseeing in SD, The Bettie Page store, the Gaslamp district, hanging out near some water. I think we were too wiped out to take many more pictures.

    I got this one at Kings Inn though (weird? or bloated by alcohol? or both?)

    bloated
    All in all, a TON of fun, and would recommend as a destination trip for anyone looking to have a lot of fun.

     

     


  • “I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance – a sharp, vindictive glance” James Thurber

    I’d feel somewhat guilty. I can’t though.

    There’s been a veritable parade of cats through my backyard in the last few months.  Being surrounded on three sides by dog households (no issues, I love dogs) has forced the peace-loving cats into my yard.

    There’s a lot of….er……cat-lovin’ going on in my yard after hours. And during hours. All hours even.

    I wouldn’t really have a problem with this if the end result wasn’t a batch of kittens.

    There seems to be a low amount of cat infertility in my neighborhood.

    That being said, there’s one cat that already pushed some youngsters out. I happened to see her, and she’s pregnant AGAIN. So, I did what any law abiding citizen would do: I bought a live trap.

    I set it up last Sunday – and caught my first offender overnight: FAT HEAD.

    13 - 1 (1)

     

    This little bastard has been around FOREVER. He’s got a fat head, which is probably why I call him FAT HEAD. He’s been knocking up the chickadees for a while now. He’s a crafty little guy, but apparently the temptation of a can of Nine Lives held more sway than he was ready for.  He also has an ugly fat head, did I mention that? He’s one of the ugliest cats i think I’ve seen.

    So, he got picked up on Monday. Yay, Animal Services! I heard he put up a fight, but I wasn’t there to see it.

    On Tuesday morning, I saw the pregnant bitch camped out on one of my benches.  So again, out went the trap.

    Ta-Da!!

    Offender: CAT SLUT

    13 - 1 (2)

     

     

    Cat Slut has been around a while. She’s skittish enough that she’s never been caught. I took some of the last round of her kittens to the animal shelter once they got old enough. Bitch.  She’s pregnant now and I knew I had to catch her before she popped another litter.  I called Animal Services and left a message that evening, and fed and watered her (as I did Fat Head) and they picked her up the following day.

    My last few days have been blissfully cat-free in the backyard.  Nobody tells you that you have to watch out for this shit when you buy a house.


  • “It’s not true I had nothing on, I had the radio on.” Marilyn Monroe

    I’m going to take a totally selfish moment here (as if my blog wasn’t a selfish bloated monument to myself as it was).

    One of the cool things that I think I alluded to a while back, I got to be on-air at KNON, our local community radio station. Then not only did I get to get on-air, but I got to co-DJ! That means that I got to inflict the masses with a dose of the rockabilly madness I’m inflicted with. My playlist was very, very guitar heavy. Is that surprising?

    onair

    Thanks to my rockin’ kid, I discovered KNON as she spun the dial one fine afternoon. Then I happened to catch Rockabilly Revue and was momentarily stunned as I realized that they played the kind of music that I dug. Rock-a-rock-a-rock-a…..*exhale*…….billy!

    I’m going to leave my evidence here, but you heard it (it’s official), I’m welcome any time so you can be assured that I’ll be back (possibly more talkative too….)

    I tried like hell to edit this file, but my supercomputer is still giving me buffer under-runs through Pro-Tools. Sorry.

     


  • “Families are about love overcoming emotional torture.” Matt Groening

    I swore I was going to try and do something productive, but apparently that’s not happening….er…..yet.

    Whilst at Half Price Books the other day, there was an unauthorized book about The Simpsons that I got for $3.00. While at points in time I was a super-fan (we’ll get to that), I had always wondered how the whole transition to prime-time actually occurred. The book is actually explaining all that, so I’l tell my personal story about how I started watching. 

    Back in the 80’s, mid way or so, I lived in New Zealand, and one of the TV shows that showed there was The Tracey Ullman show. It wasn’t too odd seeing Tracey Ullman as she was pretty big in NZ around that time if I recall, due to one of her other shows, Three of a Kind. However, that was my first experience with The Simpsons. Crude, and really funny. After those shorts had aired, my mother brought me a book called “School is Hell”, which after I think started picking up the other LIfe in Hell series books. 

    Very shortly after, we moved back to the US. While this was a time where I would still go hang out with my parents, we caught the 2nd Animation Celebration which had some of the Simpson clips in it. 

    Then, even more shortly thereafter, I was a sophomore in High School and I found out that The Simpsons was coming to prime time. I couldn’t believe it! I was telling the guy that sat next to me (or behind me) in homeroom, and he said, “That’s so dumb, that will never last”. (This being possibly the only reason that I will ever go to a high school reunion. To give a Nelson-esque “Ha-Ha!” as an I-told-you-so)

    Image

    The Christmas special was a hit (as we all know), and history was made. The marketing frenzy was pretty outrageous. I didn’t ever own a Bart Simpson T-shirt, but I thoroughly remember the furor over the attitudes presented in the show. Meanwhile I was finding that the local Houston Public News was running Life in Hell, which I still love. 

    In fact, I had gotten a “School in Hell” T-shirt that I was made to wear inside out at school when I was unceremoniously busted by the High School Band teacher. I didn’t think anything of it, it wasn’t a statement, it was a matter of fact.

    Image

     

     

    One of the things that I did unearth in my brain as a result of the book was an old (treasure?) that I haven’t ever seen anywhere else. I was part of the “Life in Hell” fanclub, I think, and had ordered it waaaaayyyyy back when. Sorry, I threw away the old newsletters (one of which i remember had a lesson on how to draw Bart). 

    Much like Mark Hamill in Amazing Stories, here is a piece of glassware that managed to survive some 25-odd years…..wonder what it’s worth now? (Not for Sale)

    Image


  • “I know this all sounds weird, but this is the way the world works.” Robert Boyd

    It’s a small weird world I suppose.

    Thanks to Google Reader (which is going to disappear at some point) I happened upon the blog of an interesting guy whose name rang a bell – Mark Evanier.

    I like substantitive blogs, and Mark’s a great writer. I don’t often use the work prolific, but Mark is writing ALL the TIME. He’s got a lot of cool stories about people he’s met doing his writing (sitcoms/cartoons/stuff) and things that he’s done over the years. Totally recommend his blog.

    His name jumped out at me because he worked with Sergio Aragones on Groo the Wanderer which was one of my favorite comics when I was a 13 or 14. Or youthful, or whatever.

    That led me to another jolting memory, my name actually made it into an issue of Groo! I’m proud to say that my name appeared on the letters page in issue #11. I can’t find a copy of it which I’m sure I had a few, but they’re lost in the ether of adulthood. Each issue of Groo had a hidden message in it, and my name was one of the ones used to compose the message in that issue.  It’s a day for memories for sure.


  • “Cooper would always kid me about my hats. He’d tell me I should get a bigger hat.” Clint Walker

    Wow, was digging through some old stuff and found an old catalog that brought back some memories.  I first ran into an ad for the Nicholas James Group in an issue of Juxtapoz I think. *Edit* Actually, I know it wasn’t Juxtapoz, it had to have been Hypno Magazine, which doesn’t exist any more. *End Edit* The image that caught my eye was the rather (now) iconic devil/wrenches that Chris Cooper (Coop) is known for.

    I ordered my first hat (which I still have, although it’s awfully beat up now) for $26.00. $26.00? Was I a millionaire?

    No2011

    The catalog is labeled 1994, which must be a little after I already had the hat. I think I had planned on getting another ballcap, but the company folded soon thereafter.

    njg_2004

    To me this is notable because it possibly was the genesis of my descent into hot rods, twangy guitars, devil girls and rockabilly.  I still have a Butthole Surfers T-Shirt that I bought solely because it had the COOP “Ground Control to Major Hard-On” image on it. This was in the early 90’s when devilish imagery (or large breasted alien girls) was hard to find – especially in Texas.

    It’s been a while.  Thanks NJG and Coop for sullying my soul!


  • “Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’” Rodney Dangerfield

    To break of the monotony of not posting anything, here’s a freaking great piece I just got done by God-Awful –

    Image

    It’s gonna take a while for me to get back into blogging-gear. I turned on two-step authentication which delays blogging by just one more step.

    Although I do have some pretty exciting news that I’m sure I’m going to blog about in the next month or so. So there’s that….


  • “If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.” Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

    Have been unbelievably busy lately. Since my last entry, I had the back fence replaced which temporarily turned by backyard into a cat haven. I had no less than five stray cats all asking me for food. I quit feeding even the one cool cat and they’ve all more or less disappeared.

    Since my backyard has somehow become the focus for 2013 (again),  I’m in the middle of trying to build my bat house (finally). I posted the plans [HERE], still trying to figure out if I need vents or not.  Because I’ve become a blogger without a blog (relatively speaking) I didn’t take any pictures, but it took about five hours to score all the boards and my body is about ready to give up on me.

    Bartender! Bartender? Yes, an Old Fashioned please?

    Lastly in other backyard related news, I think I’m about to put a beehive in my yard. Make my own honey, candles, and bee stings.

    Pictures to follow….maybe?