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  • “The writer walks out of his workroom in a daze. He wants a drink. He needs it.” – Roald Dahl

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Earlier this week I was reflecting on some of my early influences. It had something to do with how I predicted Lane was going to kill himself.  That, and there’s jubilee that I keep hearing about.  I’m not sure how I started down such a twisted path to British behaviorism knowledge, but I suspect that the prime reason was Roald Dahl.

    I think I’ve mentioned before, he wrote the original, “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and then “Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator”. That was my starting point. After I started collecting more and more of his work, I think I picked up a lot of dark twisted humor that he managed to inject into all his writing. We took a trip to London in the early 80’s that really impacted how I understood the British. While I like to think I absorbed a lot of things, my dry sense of humor was muchly affected.

    A lot of his work was Twilight Zone/Alfred Hitchcock worthy, and they even did a series for a while with shows based on his short stories, “Tales of the Unexpected”. Reading the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was actually pretty dark. It seems like Burton tried to get some of the darkness in there, but truly dry British humor (or humour) is an art in itself. Surely there are plenty of Monty Python fans out there who can attest to the irreverent and witty Brit-slap-stick.

    After Dahl, I moved onward to Hitchcock and then onward further to horror. I don’t think, however, that the twisted makeup of my childhood DNA really could have been any more impacted by any one author more than Dahl.  Ignore what you’ve seen (even he disowned the first Willy Wonka movie, and he wrote the screenplay!) Get the books. Ask me, I’ve still got a few I could loan you.


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  • “Booze, broads, and bullshit. If you got all that, what else do you need?” Harry Caray

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    We made it out to The Kessler last night – time for some Unknown Hinson!

    Got some excellent seats (yes, this is a seating venue). Makes for a pretty motionless crowd although there were some people dancing on the sides.

    The only downside to the evening – instead of a traditional “opener”, a few episodes of Squidbillies played before the show. My complaint: I’ve got the DVD’s, why would I want to watch entire episodes? First it was novel, then it was like, “C’mon, let’s get it started….”

    Unknown puttin’ some smackdown on the crowd while uber-fan is crouched at the front of the stage.

    Duuck face? Naw, it’s rawk-face, man!

    Faster’n greezed-lightnin’

    Another great show.


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  • “J.J. is the starter. I said that a long time ago.” Dennis Green

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Anyone here like Kickstarter?  Hands?

    I’ve never read the FAQ’s, when I more or less jumped in and started funding a year or so ago. Three stories, different endings.

    Story One:

    A burlesque troupe that I’ve mentioned before – Pretty Things Peepshow – was in need of a new touring vehicle.  Via Kickstarter, they pled their case, I backed it.  Of all the campaigns that I’ve backed, I think that one was the most rewarding. Rewarding in the sense that I’m glad they made their goal, not in the “kickbacks” they send you after you pledge. A tour bus is a pretty mighty goal, and they made it.

    Story Two:

    A New Orleans band She’s Still Dead was ready to record an album. I saw, I donated, then after I waited a while (I forgot) the CD never arrived. I sent a note and I got a nice message in return, my shipment had apparently been lost, they nicely shipped out another one and in two days I was rockin’ out. Great album BTW, Immortal, Eternal.

    Story Three:

    As to not be specific, I funded a small amount to a local person who was not specific in what they were going to do if it was funded (bad sign number one). As I’m Facebook “friends”, it was rather disheartening to see that the funds that I provided in good faith were being used in ways I did not expect. Obviously, a small amount isn’t critical, but it sure helps me weed out (as a potential investor) bad kickstarter campaigns.

    Overall, I think Kickstarter is a great way to fund something (as well as gauge interest) in something that you’d like to do but don’t have the funds for – but be wary of non-specific goals.


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  • “Got your gris-gris and your mojo, but it won’t work on me” ~ Brian Setzer

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I think I completely forgot to mention, but my slice of header image above (the voodoo girl) was created by Dan Fabris @ God-Awful.com. If you haven’t seen it yet, hit F5 and let your screen refresh. It should pop up there soon.

    The image is ultimately so cool that I don’t want to share the whole thing lest it be siphoned off into the vast sinkhole that is intellectual property theft (the internet). The original will be printed and hung in my dining room.

    I guess if you want to see it you’ll have to come over.


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  • “Everything was beautiful, and nothing hurt” – Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Owwwwww.

    When you’re younger, you always giggle or roll your eyes when someone older than you has mysterious pains. “You’re getting old!”, you unsympathetically declare. The older person momentarily glares at you and rubs the twinging arm, leg, back, or other assorted pained extremity.

    So here I am. Wondering why I’m waking up at 6:30am on the first true day off that I’ve had in a year.  Popping ibuprofen tabs, hobbling around the kitchen and wondering what I’m going to get done today if I can barely walk. I had to stop unloading the dishwasher halfway through. Maybe later.

    My crime? Sleeping “wrong”. How is it possible to sleep wrong? I assure you it’s not just a matter of semantics. It’s most decidedly “wrong” if you wake up in pain. That’s what happened here. When you’re younger, this happens too but you end up shaking it off the first ten minutes of the day. “Well, golly, that sure was weird!”, you exclaim.

    When you get older, it’s a different thought process.  Middle aged paranoia starts creeping in the longer the pain lasts. Is it internal? Is it a growth or a tumor? How can I prevent this from happening again? The pain will go away, right? Right? Do I need to mention this to my doctor?

    On the up side, at least it gives me a good excuse to fool around with ProTools.  For some reason it worked fine on my ultra-prepared PC the last time and now my entire system is bogging down and crashing.


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  • “I have the normal complement of anxieties, neuroses, psychoses and whatever else – but I’m absolutely nothing special.” Clive Barker

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I recently read a really excellent article – “Can you call a 9-Year-Old a Psychopath?”

    It’s really engaging to me, because of instances in my childhood where I behaved irrationally, calculating, and manipulative. It’s definitely opened up an interesting line of conversation between myself, my brother, and my mother.

    But part of the conversation that intrigues me is kind of the nurture vs nature argument.

    Two specific instances run in my family. Not sure how it applies, but here they are:

    * There is a specific way that my father sat, when in watching TV, or in a contemplative mode. He would rest the forearm or the crook of his elbow of one of his arms on the top of his head. Anyone in my family has seen me do it a million times. It’s so unconscious, that I don’t even realize it. My brother, father, and myself were at a Christmas party where I noticed my father sitting on the couch with the aforementioned pose. So I nudged my brother and we all assumed that pose – my dad didn’t even realize we were doing it. Everyone is looking at us and giggling. So, I’ve seen my brother do it, and apparently it’s an inherited trait.

    * When I sleep, even though I sleep on my side, and not on my back, typically I’ll fall asleep on my back with a pillow over my eyes. Then my arm is draped across the pillow. I saw my dad fall asleep this way a million times, and I assume my brother does it too.

    Nothing more to add really.


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  • “The first rule of grifting is, you can’t cheat an honest man.” ~ Hustle

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    A friend mentioned the other day that I don’t talk to her the way that she has heard me talk to customers by phone. 99% of my work is phone based and occasionally I “bring my work home with me” when it’s more convenient to call from the house (rather than drive all the way to the office for one phone call). I thought about what she said and it’s definitely true. When I’m asking a customer (a retail store employee) to do something, I’m trying to be as persuasive as possible. The dynamic range of my voice becomes wider, I stay in the higher part of the range, I’m enthusiastically upbeat…..

    Is that me in my day-to-day? Certainly not. If I started talking that way around the house, or even out at the burlesque shows,  it would sound phony. I’m sure it sounds somewhat phony when I call the stores too – but once they’re in that conversation, I use mah werds to reel them in and make them work for me. Does it always work? No way, I’m not THAT good. I’ve taken some difficult situations and talked people “off the ledge” and got some work out of them.  I gauge their interest in helping me and change strategies if needed.  In some ways, I guess I’m kind of a “closer”. When all else fails, they send me in to assess the situation, clean up the damage and make everybody happy. Watch the video below, when they’re talking about degrees of intensity, it’s a great example of changing your approach. Also, Don LaFontaine is a funny dude. Apparently he’ll record answering machine messages. *HERO*


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  • “What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow.” A. A. Milne

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    When will Jack in the Box bring back “Frings”? One of my fondest memories of the late 70’s/80’s was going to the doctor. Well, not the doctor so much, but after each doctor visit, we’d go to the Jack in the Box and pick up some Frings. It was a little fry pouch with two separate compartments – one would have fries and the other would have rings. Enough starchy breaded oily goodness to pick me up after a hernia exam….or whatever it was I was ailing with. (More than likely strep throat or an ear infection).  Above is a slightly older order box, but I think the one there did have a newer 80’s style box. They also didn’t have indoor seating, it was all outdoor with a walk up window. (In Houston? That was nuts!)

    The corner where the Jack in the Box used to stand has a lot of great memories for me. It’s kind of surprising that the little ratty strip center and long, LONG abandoned gas station are still there.  I think we had our car serviced there once or twice. Our old house was only about two or three miles away.


    The Jack in the Box was originally located where AutoZone and Pizza Hut now stand. There was also a drive through Fotomat Booth in the corner.

    * The alley behind the strip center and the laundromat is where I rode a three-wheeler for the first (and last time). I accidentally popped a wheelie and my buddy was like, “How did you do that?”

    * The strip center had a liquor store, we dug around in the dumpsters behind it (like rats) and pulled a nice cache of Crown Royal cloth bags. I used those bags for years, even earning a Mike Peck stern, “WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!” under the assumption that I had been drinking Crown Royal….in high school….yeah, so no, I told my dumpster story.

    * The strip center had a U-Tote-Em, which in my junior high circles were well known for having a better candy selection than other convenience stores – namely 7-11 at the time. I don’t recall any other c-stores around.

    * The gas station that hasn’t been used since the mid-90’s if I recall. That gas station is where I can still remember the smell of leaded gasoline. Crazy. There was one time a guy was trying to get his Baja Bug started and asked if me and my friend could help push it. We tried, and it still didn’t run. We had pushed it into the liquor store parking lot, and for our help he let us pick some cassette tapes from his cassette tape rack. My friend picked one, then saw another one and said, “Aw, I should have gotten that one!”  As sheltered as I was, I didn’t know what to pick so I chose the one that my friend wanted after all – it ended up being J Geils album Freeze Frame – which had the classics Centerfold and Freeze Frame.

    * My friend from above ended up working at the Autozone in the late 90’s/2000’s and I ran into him in shock buying an in-car air filter for my Honda. Hadn’t seen the guy in years.

    * That Jack in the Box location is where my buddy and I were hanging out when we saw the area’s homeless dude attack the bank with a long pole. We were briefly interviewed by police regarding what we saw – the suspicion was that he did it to get a night in jail and free food.  Westbury Square is right down the street. It’s seen better days.  A lot of memories there too.


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  • “I think there’s nothing better than seeing a three-chord straight up rock ‘n’ roll band in your face with sweaty music and three minute good songs.” Joan Jett

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Saaaay….you’re mighty fancy. What’s a purty little thing like you doin’ in a place like this?

    So I’ve managed to maintain my composure and not go blindly seeking this his one guitar (and the case, c’mon, how can you resist a leopard print case?) mainly because I have so many damn guitars already. The other fact is that I don’t use any one of them enough to justify another purchase (and really, isn’t that what I said about the last one?). I’m so lame that I almost didn’t even realize that could upgrade the pickup in one of the SG’s to a P90 and get pretty close without having to get another guitar. Although…..I really like the white…..

    One of the realities that one has to face eventually is that there isn’t a piece of gear that’s going to make you play any better than just  straight old-fashioned woodshedding.  In the case of the above guitar, I’m not even sure how it plays. The RI series that I’ve played lately have had baseball bat necks (which I hate). The one above is a sig model, the Billie Joe Armstrong and it’s supposed to have  a “play fast” neck (like my 61 SG RI). Which of course I find intriguing.

    Here’s the part where I admit that I’ve got kind of a man-crush on Billie Joe. My daughter (should she ever read this) will give the obligatory “ewwwwwwww”.  It sounds really stupid, but I’m a huge fan of his songwriting.  Back in the 90’s, I listened to Dookie (like everybody else) and gradually fell off in interest as some of the later albums kind of kept going. At the AstroArena, we watched Billie Joe slobber all over the stage – good show.  It wasn’t until American Idiot came out that I became a reborn fan.

    Here’s the thing that REALLY freaks my daughter out. All the guys in Green Day are pretty much the same age as me. It’s hard to believe, but while they were singing about being burned out on a couch, I was sitting there burned out on a couch watching them sing about it.  Not that I think, “Hey that could have been me!” because obviously I wasn’t driven enough to really push myself with my guitar playing.  It’s just easy to relate to an artist that’s almost the exact same age as you. Oops. So Tre Cool has the same birthday as me. I knew I was forgetting something.  But they were all born the same year as me.

    Geez! These Geezers…..

    How come THEY don’t have grey hair?


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