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  • “Is that a…….straight…jacket??” – Edgar Oliver

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I’m trying to make an effort not to pay so much attention to my blog stats – although I can usually tell when some guitar forum posts a link to the guitar columns.

    Unusually enough, I get quite a bit of traffic for searches on Edgar Oliver. You know, the “straaightjacket” guy from that show Oddities (and numerous other projects as his IMDB attests)

    In honor of Edgar, I present:

    It’s a small world. I just ran into someone here at my job that I worked with eleven years ago. It was my second job when I moved to DFW. It was a call center job – my first. I was only there a year, but she was there much longer. She was a good manager. Although the way she departed the mini-kitchen here it didn’t appear that she wanted to hang around talking about “the good old days” which really were anything but.

    Pretty sure she got shafted by that company.


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  • “There are men in town who could play this role. The problem is, they didn’t audition!” YT Blair Bybee

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    So this blog has been going on for a while now and I’ve tried to keep from writing too much about the day to day minutae around here. Nobody wants to read the reality show transcript of my life, which holds very little interest to anyone, including me.

    This does have the effect of limiting the amount of posts that are written as I try to write when something odd or unusual occurs. Having a full time job also cuts into the creative time that was previously spent writing. “I’m bored, what should I do? Write a blog post!”

    My “filler” pages help boost my ego. The ever-evolving “So You Wanna Join A Band” gets a lot of hits. My guitar…..ahem…..collection manages to get some surf too. Having conciously set up this as a destination for those items rather than focus on my writing helps lessen the self-imposed writing pressure. As a not-for-profit venture it succeeds fairly well.

    * My website dfwburlesque.com is about to celebrate a one-year anniversary. I wouldn’t have noticed, but I had to renew the hosting. I’ve been told I should throw a party, but seeing as how my time has lessened in actually going to the shows I can let it pass uneventfully. Possibly a “Happy Birthday” Facebook status update will be in order?

    * I definitely have things that I could write about that occur at work. Unfortunately, I haven’t come up with a good way to filter it so that should I be googled (successfully) that they couldn’t misconstrue whatever I’m writing about.

    * The music room is an absolute wreck right now. I’m okay with it, for the most part. The reason it’s a wreck is that it’s full of other “works in progress” for the rest of the house. The main bathroom is nearly done (crossing fingers that I can get it done this weekend). However I really need to get it back in shape so that I have somewhere to hide and practice guitar without bothering anyone. My intention is to get my daughter bass lessons – and hopefully take some lessons from this same teacher as well. We stopped by a shop and my playing was so rusty even I was embarrased. I’ve got one major song to get written and a few others rattling around. Recording music is not the time to be practicing however, it just makes recording take ten times longer.

    * I’m in the market for an entertainment center. Already found some modern/retro stuff that I really like, but as always, what I really like and what really makes sense for the room are two different things.

    * One of my oldest friends (old as in how long I’ve known him, not that he’s elderly) wrote and self published his own Role Playing Game with his wife called Mana Punk. Color me suitably impressed. I purchased it and downloaded, but honestly haven’t had the time to read it. Reading is a luxury that is mostly confined to my…err…..bathroom. While I approve of gaming as a social activity, I just don’t have the energy for it right now. My daughter has expressed an interest in LARPing, so I’ve got that going for me. Which is nice.

    My first exposure to RPG’s was back in Mrs Kreig’s class in fifth or sixth grade. Chris Durbin and a few other people were sitting at the table in the corner and doing something. Now I assume they were making characters. I joined them but really I was just drawing rooms on graph paper and throwing implausible things that didn’t fit because I didn’t know the system. Me: Here’s a pit of spikes. Them: That’s not where that goes. I think this is the same table that debated whether or not checkerboard Vans were introduced to popular culture via Sean “Spicoli” Penn in Fast Times at Ridgemont High or via Eddie Van Halen. Ahh youth.

    Right before I moved to New Zealand, I played the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Roleplaying game with the aforementioned eldest friend. Eldest? Nevermind. It had a lot less to do with TMNT than it did the idea of talking animals and post-apocolyptic imagery. In New Zealand, I somehow roped my next door neighbor into playing and we did that off and on my entire time there. I would spend hours poring over a character creation.  Looking at the below image, it’s no wonder that I’m drawn (ha!) to a bold outline cartoon style ala Vince Ray or Coop now. Thank you Eastman and Laird!

    After returning to the US, I began playing Advanced Dungeons and Dragons with some of the people that I worked with at The Company Onstage. Hank McNally was our illustrious DM and we had quite a contentious group (including my above friend’s brother). I think more time was spent with player drama than anything else, but it was a lot of fun and a great time killer. It was somewhere around this time that I started loving Autoduel/Car Wars and Shadowrun and especially Paranoia. God what a fun game. Paranoia was the only game I know of where you were given clones, and the “winner” was the person who managed to outlast the other player’s seven clones. Many MANY entertaining and interesting ways to die. (Was I the ONLY person who later bought the Shadowrun game for the Sega Genesis? What a great game.)

    * I still regret not buying the game Alternate Reality for the Macintosh when we were visiting Seattle. My dad said, “We’ll find it at discount somewhere” but we never did.

    Ending this post with a whimper rather than a bang (or even a strong finish)


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  • “When solving problems, dig at the roots instead of just hacking at the leaves.” Anthony J. D’Angelo

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Hacky Sack –

    A fun, yet addicting game played with your legs. Played in a circle with as much people as possible, the general goal is to have everyone kick the sack before it hits the ground; a hack. once that gets boring you can freestyle.

    per UrbanDictionary.com

    That hacky sack? I’ve owned that longer than my daughter has been alive.

    Addictive is right. I once got every usher in my theater to play in a circle in the lobby – while movies were letting out. I later heard that there was a spy for Tony Kadounha – the district manager at the time – who reported that there was a group of ushers “kicking around a bag in the lobby”.  I didn’t get fired, or even really frowned upon. My manager at the time was a really cool guy, an Iranian whom I’m not going to name, but he was a great manager. His attitude was, “It’s not a big deal, but if you want to be next in line for promotion, that’s a pretty silly way to be disqualified for it.”.

    Although I was beat out for it by a woman (girl) who was rumored to have….ahem…..smoked a hot dog to get the job. Let’s leave it at that.

    One of my absolute favorite times was playing hacky sack out above the steps at the theater. There was one usher named Tomas who just kicked like a soccer player. No finesse. At all.

    So when the sack came his way, it was like a baseball bat hitting the ball to the outfield.

    One time, he kicks, and ZOOM…….up on top of the theater roof.

    Man oh man. That was fun. “Hey, where is the….uh….ladder….to….uh…..get up to the roof?”

    We found it.  I hate heights, but standing on top of the really tall roof of a theater was pretty rad.

    Hacky Sack is still cool. I found one rolling around in the bedroom and the old addiction kicked in.  Ya wanna lose weight? Get addicted to the sack.


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  • “A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.’This was said by gene wilder … what does it mean ?” Gene Wilder

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Wow, is it already the 40th Anniversary of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory? The original I mean, not the Burton remake.

    The first time I saw it was at my friend Justin’s house. He was one of the lucky few people that I knew in the late 70’s/early 80’s that had cable at home. For those of you keeping score, my childhood home never had cable – ever. Even up until the house was sold in the late 1990’s, there was no cable line. My father refused to have it installed because the line would have to be run through the crawlspace connecting the garage to the house. Which is strange since he wouldn’t ever have been the one installing – it would have been the cable installer’s problem. Anyway, Justin’s house at the time was different and to this day I still think has that weird decorative clear glass walls that everyone was so fond of. I still like the look, even if it was a little dated. I just google mapped it and it’s been remodeled. Shame.

    So back to the 80’s, watching the group walk into the main candy room (chocolate water fall, etc), for me, it was kind of like that moment in the Wizard of Oz where everything goes from black and white to color.  It was a fairly technicolor rainbow. TV colors were a lot more muted in those days – probably to scale back the horrendous fashion. But being the candy fiend I was, this was like my dream movie.
    Shortly after it came out, I bought craploads of Wonka candy and joined the Willy Wonka Fan club. I used to be able to say that I was a proud card-carrying member, but I lost the card. 🙁

    I’ve made myself sick before on the original everlasting Gobstoppers and I can’t remember the last time I ever had one.

    In 1997, it was the 30th Anniversary (obviously – do the math) and the studio re-released prints to the theaters. Since my ultra cool movie theater job entailed getting in free, I went to a late late showing (completely obliterated) and don’t remember much of it. Of course, it wasn’t as grand as I remembered it to be – but it was still pretty cool.

    The major upside for me having watched the original back in the 80’s was that I was turned onto the books by Roald Dahl – who wrote the original “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory”. There’s actually a sequel to the book that is called “Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator” – taking over of course from when they burst out of the roof of the chocolate factory. Of course I’m going to complain that the book was way better than the movie, but the film does some pretty decent justice to most of the candy rooms. Roald Dahl was an extremely inventive writer. While I would never put him up against Kurt Vonnegut, it was a very similar vein.  Dahl’s writings were definitely unique. I’m thinking that I’ve read everything he’s ever written, but I need to check on that. There’s still a Dahl book or two on my bookshelf – ghostly stories I think. Kind of like Alfred Hitchcock and Twilight Zone type stuff. Very dry British humor (or humour) which of course I’m pretty partial to.

    My copies are pretty worn out.

    Roald Dahl Charlie and the Chocolate Factory & Great Glass Elevator


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  • “There’s nothing that stands up straighter than the truth” ~ Chuck Berry

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare 2 Comments

    Seriously?  On TOP of the urinal?

    I seriously had to wonder what happened in the bathroom at work. Walked in, assumed the position, and lo and behold there were PUDDLES of urine on top of the urinal. We’re talking puddles here. Plural.  This is a pretty standard sized unit, not the smaller sized one.

    My office is pretty pro. We’ve got touchless water dispensers and plenty of signage on how to avoid spreading germs – along with extra trash cans by the bathroom doors so that you can open the door with a towel and then toss it. They are serious about germ spreading prevention. So to walk into a bathroom bladder explosion today was pretty odd.  Although, this was my “emergency” (high traffic) bathroom – close to my desk. I prefer to walk down to the other end of the building to the lower-volume bathroom. It’s paradise walking into that bathroom at 10am and the auto-dimmed lights come on because no one has been in there.

    So I forgot to look at the ceiling above the urinal to see if I could discern what actually happened. It was crazy.

    All the tornadoes and hail missed my dewberry bushes – and I got some berries!

    Hail:

    New Berries!

    Smoked my first brisket a few weeks ago.  Got some good feedback: “Pretty good for a rookie”


    Prepping for rubdown:

    Eight or so hours later:

    Feel like a man now. And part Texan.


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  • “The worst kind of non-smokers are the ones that come up to you and cough. That’s pretty cruel isn’t it? Do yo u go up to cripples and dance too?” ~ Bill Hicks

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Driving into the parking lot of my workplace daily, there’s usually no open spots closest to the building. It’s okay. Exercise is good.
    But what is funny is every time I’m rounding the curve, there’s the smoking section.

    Judging me.

    They always check out my car – their heads following me as I slow down to go over the speed bumps. Cigarettes in hand, their eyes scope me out as if to say, "You know you don’t have to park so close – you COULD walk".

    My drive continues to the further spots away. I don’t mind parking further away, but it’s late when I leave the office – so rather than my car sitting by itself in the lot furthest away, I prefer to have it close by (still by itself)

    Regardless, every time I see the people judging me I silently ask myself, "Were you the cool kid in school? Are you proud of your addiction – the one that probably costs more than the cup of Starbucks I drink? Does the amount of time you spend smoking get calculated as a break? Are your breaks longer than mine? Are your lungs black? Should you REALLY be doing that?"

    Then parking commences, and I forget all about them.


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  • “All of us failed to match our dreams of perfection. So I rate us on the basis of our splendid failure to do t he impossible.” William Faulkner

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Now that my own personal/professional crisis has passed (with less misspellings), I can continue my blogging experience.

    My dad once theorized that clutter (or accumulation of clutter) is the sign of a frustrated perfectionist. These days I’m tending to agree.

    The theory essentially says that the person who clutters essentially never gets started in cleaning or organizing because they realize there’s no hope of perfection (aka a completely 100% clean or organized environment) so they never begin. The clutter builds and gets worse.

    Motivation is a mysterious mistress.

    My time management is pretty good on the short term. Sometimes it’s good in the medium term. I suck, however, when it comes to the really REALLY long term. I can’t remember crap. For example, for me, most of the 80’s is a wash. I can’t remember a tremendous amount of it. I always attributed that to having moved away to New Zealand in the middle of it and then back. But now I find that the 90’s are sectioned off into "before daughter/after daughter". Remembering any specifics is really hard. Now that it’s 2011, boy oh boy it’s even worse. I think the time period is sectioned off into "before house purchase/after house purchase". It usually takes a good long look at my resume to figure out what I was up to during any point in the last two decades.

    This also falls into my struggle with organization. I find that when I make a list, I tend to do better than when I randomly tell myself, "I’ll do THIS and THIS and THIS". But, if my list gets too long, I check off about 10 things off then give up. Well, giving up is too simple of a way to describe it. Occasionally glancing at the list, wishing there was motivation to get moving on it? That’s pretty close.

    There’s still things on my list that need to get done. Perhaps I relish the glow of having checked off eight things in one day….then need to remotivate myself. Unfortunately, "update blog" doesn’t count as something to do on my list.


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  • “It occurred to me that my speech or my silence, indeed any action of mine, would be a mere futility” Joseph Conrad

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    One of the things I like about my job (of many things that I like about it) is that I have the opportunity to write blog posts rather often. Fortunately for you all, I honestly don’t have that much to talk about.

    What doesn’t excite me about the e-mail posting is that I can’t take the time to properly add images.
    Granted, my resolve to include a lot of images has waned – I should have taken a camera to that Jeff Beck concert.

    But I didn’t.

    Also, I think my daughter has semi-permanently snagged my camera – so that puts a small crimp in any plan to visually document my goings-on, such as:

    * the three cactus plants I planted outside my front door
    * the clean front and back lawns (except for the gigantic branch that fell right after they were cleaned)
    * the clean back patio area (you know, the one that gets cluttered with branches)
    * the UFO spaceship looking thing that is parked inside the former gas drilling site down the street
    * burlesque show goings-on
    * the insides of one of my guitars that I attempted to repair last night (with the wrong part)

    Oops – I totally forgot that there was another team lunch today, but I was busy working on an important (relatively speaking) issue, so I don’t feel too bad about missing it. Who says there’s no such thing as a free lunch?

    I also didn’t nearly hit the tiny Asian lady today, but I did see her. We made eye contact and she pulled that old Clint Eastwood grimace on me. I think we’re about to go to war.


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  • “True courage is not the brutal force of vulgar heroes, but the firm resolve of virtue and reason.” Alfred North Whitehead

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    We escaped to a burlesque show last night. Cool little Fort Worth bar that I don’t want to name at the moment because we witnessed a particularly spectacular bar fight.

    I first thought they were friends and giving each other shit.

    It quickly escalated into a beer bottle to the head and a full force punching.

    I guess it’s kind of like cats fighting; the more noise they make, the less damage they do.

    This was a really quiet fight.

    They were locked together for quite a while with a gang of about eight people trying to pull them apart.
    Shortly after, we were sitting at the bar and one of the friends of the combatants came in and was looking for something. He crouched down, searched for a minuted, and then came up like a fisherman with a clam. Except it was a tooth.

    A tooth.

    Wow.

    I’ll probably never forget that.


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