The Thousand Yard Stare

Five little monkeys, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said “This monkey has sustained a serious head injury. We’ll need to keep him overnight for observation.”

Four little monkeys, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said “The contusion on his skull is disturbingly similar to the one on his brother. Are these primates being properly supervised?”

Three little monkeys, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said “Ma’am, with three incidents in such a short time I’m required by law to call in Monkey Protective Services. You should be receiving a visit soon – please cooperate fully. And I’m ordering cat scans on all these monkeys. I realize you’re not insured but this has to be done. Please, think of the monkeys.”

Two little monkeys, jumping on the bed. One fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said “I don’t understand, has MPS not been to your house yet? Oh my god, I forgot to call. If it comes out that more monkeys were hurt I’ll surely be fired for gross negligence, and perhaps even prosecuted. If you’ll agree to keep quiet I’ll see to it that all your bills are covered. You scratch my back, I scratch yours? You monkeys must understand that well enough.”

One little monkey, jumping on the bed. He fell off and bumped his head. Momma called the doctor and the doctor said “For christ’s sake, lady! NO MORE MONKEYS JUMPING ON THE BED!”