• Tag Archives idiots

  • “I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance – a sharp, vindictive glance” James Thurber

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I’d feel somewhat guilty. I can’t though.

    There’s been a veritable parade of cats through my backyard in the last few months.  Being surrounded on three sides by dog households (no issues, I love dogs) has forced the peace-loving cats into my yard.

    There’s a lot of….er……cat-lovin’ going on in my yard after hours. And during hours. All hours even.

    I wouldn’t really have a problem with this if the end result wasn’t a batch of kittens.

    There seems to be a low amount of cat infertility in my neighborhood.

    That being said, there’s one cat that already pushed some youngsters out. I happened to see her, and she’s pregnant AGAIN. So, I did what any law abiding citizen would do: I bought a live trap.

    I set it up last Sunday – and caught my first offender overnight: FAT HEAD.

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    This little bastard has been around FOREVER. He’s got a fat head, which is probably why I call him FAT HEAD. He’s been knocking up the chickadees for a while now. He’s a crafty little guy, but apparently the temptation of a can of Nine Lives held more sway than he was ready for.  He also has an ugly fat head, did I mention that? He’s one of the ugliest cats i think I’ve seen.

    So, he got picked up on Monday. Yay, Animal Services! I heard he put up a fight, but I wasn’t there to see it.

    On Tuesday morning, I saw the pregnant bitch camped out on one of my benches.  So again, out went the trap.

    Ta-Da!!

    Offender: CAT SLUT

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    Cat Slut has been around a while. She’s skittish enough that she’s never been caught. I took some of the last round of her kittens to the animal shelter once they got old enough. Bitch.  She’s pregnant now and I knew I had to catch her before she popped another litter.  I called Animal Services and left a message that evening, and fed and watered her (as I did Fat Head) and they picked her up the following day.

    My last few days have been blissfully cat-free in the backyard.  Nobody tells you that you have to watch out for this shit when you buy a house.


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  • “Miscellaneous is always the largest category.” Joel Rosenberg

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Random items:

    * The devil went down to Georgia Chick-Fil-A

    Somewhat ironic – since Chick-Fil-A is such a devoutly Christian organization. Although I suppose they don’t have much to do with Texas Sales Tax. You’d think they would have charged me $6.67 or $6.65 instead?

    * Today I was discussing something with my daughter, and she said that she was describing something to her friends. She was telling them they should check it out and they told her,”We don’t want to read about it – just tell us!”.   These kids all have iPhones.  I remember the days of going to the library to do a book report on something that I had to research in the Encyclopedias that only the library had.  Speaking of which, Wikipedia celebrates ten years of operation this week.  I think the concept of Wikipedia is great, but unfortunately the lowest common denominator gets to update whatever they want.  I don’t know anyone that considers wikipedia a reliable source, so I’m not sure if their overall mission was successful or not.

    * Lowest common denominator – why is it that so many people think they’re “special”? The attitude of, “Oh, it’s not a big deal if I do it” Case in point, my childhood home was located across the street from Johnston Middle School. (Go Greyhounds!). Due to it being located in a suburban neighborhood, of course there was never any parking for anyone around three p.m. or so – when school was letting out. Some parents would get the bright idea that it was O.K. to park in our driveway (Point A). Usually, we were getting out of school ourselves, so we’d arrive home and find some idiot parked in our driveway. We’d park our car at the driveway entrance so they couldn’t back up – then we’d walk up into the house. Sometimes the parents would get VERY belligerent with my mother – which was always amusing. Half the time they’d back AROUND our car and jump off the curb, cursing us out the entire time. Was it our fault that they decided that they could park on private property? Other times, kids would park their asses on our front porch (Point B). My mom made a point of going out and picking up the kids books – making the parents come and get them from us. I’m not sure of the exact wording my mother gave these people – I don’t know if she was training them very well because they seemed to continue doing it. If it was a glare-and-they-should-know-better-attitude, well, we all know THAT doesn’t work.  Telling them that it was private property would have worked a little better, but probably not much.  One of my grand gestures was to spray kids who cut across our front lawn with a garden hose. Unfortunately, I was in elementary school and thusly several years younger than the targets. One of my friends was there and defended me by tackling one of the kids who was tearing around trying to kick my ass.  Good times.

    Later in life, I saw a drug deal go down on the side of my house (from Point C) because the idiots assumed that because their van was facing away from the school that nobody could see them. Idiots.

    * I did end up cleaning out almost all the VHS tapes in my entertainment center. After I opened each drawer, I realized that I no longer needed 90% of the tapes. Even though I still don’t have a VCR anymore, eventually I’ll figure out a way to cheaply transfer them digitally.

    * Whenever someone says “hashtag”, I immedately think of the number sign made out of browned potatoes. Speaking of which, I’m hungry. Later.


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