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  • “Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.” Fran Lebowitz

    Today as I was exiting the gas station with my “Hydr8 Limeberry” drink (recommend skipping that one next time), a gentleman with sunglasses started talking to me as I passed by. He held out his hand as if to shake mine. So I shook it. He began his spiel:

    “Hey man, you know, I’ve been in trouble and cleaned up, but I still smoke cigarettes and drink beer…..”

    Me: “That’s an expensive habit”

    Him: “and…..”

    Let me note that at this point, he glances over to a cute woman who’s walking about 30 feet away, smiles at her, and waves with his free hand (the one NOT holding the 40oz beer can in a paper bag).

    I must admit, I was kind of offended. It’s like we were in the office chatting and he saw Sally start to use the photocopier and said, “Hey girl, how are you doing today??” in the middle of our conversation.  So, to punish him, I started walking away. He broke the circle of trust.

    Him: “Hey, man, so I was wondering if you could spare anything….”

    Me (walking away, almost to my car): “You’ve broken the circle of trust. Sorry!”

    (Just kidding. I said the same thing I always do which is, “No cash – sorry”. Now that I think about it, I should have told him to smoke Marlboro so that my Altria stock price would increase – but somehow I don’t think that would go over so well.)

    As I was backing out, this other guy started walking toward my car with two CD’s in his hand – waving them at me.

    I just shook my head and said, “No.” and kept backing out.

    So now I know to avoid that gas station, as well as a really good car wash down the road – you’re guaranteed to get asked for money at these places.

     

    In other news, I went to the DMV today. Sure, you’re expecting a rant here – but I went at 11:00am, was at the customer service counter by 11:05, and had my license renewed and picture taken by 11:15am. It was pretty surprising. That’s possibly the shortest DMV rant you’ll ever hear.

     


  • “It gives a lovely light.” Edna St. Vincent Millay

    I’m taking a break from fighting with my recording software. I think I’ve won the battle, although not necessarily the war.

    In high school, I purchased my first Zippo lighter. I’m pretty sure this is it:

    Although I just looked at the date code on it, and it dates to 1992. Which strikes me as kind of strange. It was purchased in 1990 or possibly mid 1991. Anyway, I’m not quite sure why I bought it. I’ve never been a smoker – although lighters definitely are not exclusive to the need to smoke. Not knowing that specific fluid was needed, if I recall I loaded it for the first time with some weird fuel (that didn’t work). After I figured out what to load it with (Ronsonol) and replaced the wick and wadding, it seemed to work fine. At the time, a bunch of my friends also purchased Zippos and we commenced to learning some of the “Zippo Tricks” that can be performed. I think I’ve only got two tricks down. And I’m not good at them.

    Oddly enough, none of my friends smoked either.  Maybe it was a “man’s quest for fire” or something. It just seems like something a guy should have.

    I’ve held on to this Zippo for a long time. Several other Zippos have floated in and out of my possession (barely used), but I kept this one since it was my first. I used to carry it in case I needed to light a pretty woman’s cigarette out at a bar or poolhall.  It traveled along as my “lucky lighter” even though it never visibly lucked me into anything. As a homeowner, I’ve burned plenty of things with it, but never throughout the years did the occasion arise for the chivalrous action of lighting a cigarette for a lovely lady.  Actually, I don’t find smoking a particularly attractive hobby although recently I’ve been dating a knockout who manages to make me forget how much second-hand smoke I inhaled at the pool halls throughout the years.

    So far, she’s the only gorgeous woman that has used my lighter for the most often expressed use of a lighter: lighting up a cigarette.


  • “It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.” Samuel Johnson

    Interestingly enough, I think I got cheated at the gas pump today.

    I’ve been logging my fuel usage on my Honda since I bought in in mid-09 (thank you dallasgasprices.com!).
    Let me back up a bit.  I don’t normally go to the station on the corner of my neighborhood. The prices are always higher than my other local stations, and the pumps are usually 50/50 on whether they accept debit or credit AND then it’s another 50/50 on whether I’ll get a receipt – which I need for my logging.

    However, they recently instituted the .10 Kroger discount. That is to say, if I spend $100 at Kroger, I can get .10 off each gallon of gas. It used to only be at Kroger fuel stations – which there are only about 5 of in the entire metroplex. So when I found out they honored it at my CORNER station, I was pretty excited!

    So, I went to get some gas. First warning sign was that the pump was running EXCEPTIONALLY slow. Like, to fill my tank it literally took 14 minutes. That’s a LONG time. BUT, I was getting my discount, and it was around the corner from my house.  Well, since I’ve been tracking my fuel usage, I’ve got a pretty good idea how much gas my tank will take. Technially speaking, my tank only holds 13.2 gallons.  So, generally, with how I run my refueling – I put about 11 and a half gallons in. If I have more or less run it dry, I may put in around 12 gallons.

    So, I was pretty surprised that when my tank was full today, it read that I had put in 13.06 gallons! Odd, since my tank already had 2 gallons in it. So either magically my tank now holds 15 gallons, or their calibration is off on the pump.
    So, having been in “the biz”, I went ahead and went to the Texas Weights and Measures site to see how to file a complaint against the pump. Amazingly, they have an online submission form. Pretty cool!

    Texas Weights and Measures File a Fuel Complaint Form

    They’re supposed to contact me when they find something out. I’ll update then.

    Either my last one hundred and one fillups have been wrong, or this one.

    Which one do YOU think is weird?


  • “Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.” Albert Einstein

    Today my daughter and I were at a Borders Books.

    We passed by a True Blood display, and she was immediately enamored with the Fangtasia keychain.

    I’ll admit, it was pretty neat. She did manage to resist buying it, but as her eyes wandered over the rest of the merchandise, she spied a picture of Eric Northman (Alexander Skarsgard) and immediately scrunched her face up.

    Her: Ew, dad, why do people like him?

    Me: (Actually surprised) Are you serious? You don’t like Eric? Even I like Eric – he’s a good lookin’ man. And I’m a dude!

    Her: What?

    Me: Yeah, if it came down to it, I’d totally make out with Eric over Bill.

    (Her repulsion is building, her face is totally scrunched up now and she’s audibly “Ewwww”ing)

    Me: Oh totally, I’m a totally hetero dude, and I’d totally make out with him.

    (She turns away from me and fakes like she’s gagging)

    Me: Yeah, he’d totally be putting his hands on my sideburns……

    (Apparently this was just TMI)

    Her: (With hands over her ears) LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA! I CANNOT HEAR YOU!!

    After she recovered, she immediately logged onto Facebook to post a poll – Eric vs Bill. She was also going to include that I “scarred her for life”, but decided against it. I already left my answer on her poll.

    I’ve been cleaning for most of the day now. While the rest of the house is still being cleaned, I’m pretty happy with how the bathroom turned out:

    Not much else to report. Need to keep cleaning.


  • “I’m not riding the roller coaster.” Ken Macha

     

    This is a picture of the Texas Cyclone – at the park formerly known as Astroworld.  The area is now just a dirt lot – having succumbed to a lagging economy and generally becoming a crappy theme park. It was demolished back in 2005 or so.

    While I spent many a summer running around the park (alone or with my brother), I’ll never forget the first time I went to the park. Or at least the first time that I remember riding the Texas Cyclone. This was back in about 1981 or 1982, so I was probably ten years old.  I went with a good friend of mine who swore that no matter what we did, we needed to get a tiny loaf of bread (freshly baked) from the Mrs Baird’s shop on the main street.

    We picked up the bread first, and headed over to the Texas Cyclone. Walking past the remote control boats (where one time I was given change for a $1 bill with Susan B Anthony $1 coins – meaning for every dollar I changed, I made three bucks profit!), and down the mesh enclosed tunnel – we made our way to the Cyclone as the last ride of the day. Not having been on a full wooden rollercoaster before, I was apprehensive. I clutched my bread in my tiny hand and we stood in line.

    The ride itself was relatively mild – having ridden it so many times since that first time, it didn’t strike me as the worst full wooden coaster ride I’ve ever been on (that distinction belongs to the Texas Giant at Six Flags Arlington – I felt like my fillings were being rattled out of my head). There was always the myth about the last car of the coaster being more violent (and supposedly having killed people).

    So, by the end of the ride, I had squished that little Baird’s bread in my tiny hands as I gripped the bars on the roller coaster ride.

    It’s not so much the ride I remember, as it is the little half loaf of bread that hand finger sized indentions – like brass knuckles without the rings.

    I don’t know why this memory occurs so often for me. It happened last night when I was going to sleep – as it usually does.


  • “I think there’s something cool and retro about them.” Tony DiSanto

    I dropped my car off at the body shop today.

    Enterprise saw fit to give me an econobox Hyundai rental. The car in and of itself is okay – it sure sits a lot higher than my car. Which makes for interesting cornering at 75mph.

    I digress.

    The interesting thing about the rental is that it has Sirius/XM radio.

    The less interesting thing about Sirius/XM radio is that it’s really not that much better than regular radio. You’re still pretty much at the mercy of whomever does the programming.

    I settled on the “Lithium” station – for no other reason that the first song I heard was “I See The Light” by Cracker.  I like(d) Cracker back in the day. Needless to say, the Lithium channel is dedicated to whatever happened to rule the airwaves back in the 90’s. I felt like I was in a timewarp – I was hating Candlebox and Temple of the Dog all over again. Sure, sure, they played some good songs, but since everything was more or less 20 (!) years old at this point, it sounded pretty dated.

    Granted, I didn’t have the hazy fog, nor the alcohol to help me like the songs any better this time around.

    The body shop already called me and said that the part is in and will be painted tomorrow – keeping the three day estimate in check. Which is actually pretty amazing. Back in the day you’d be praying that the body shop would have your car less than a month.

    Luckily, it’s easy to slap a bumper on.

    In other news, I had a guy (who appeared to be straight) tell me that my sideburns were sexy. I was buying another wireless PCI card at Fry’s and the guy is like, “Man, those are some good looking sideburns. Don’t see them like that much anymore.”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

    Him: “Yeah, they’re pretty sexy allright.”

    Me: “Uh, yeah. Thanks.”

    He also gave me a fist dap when I told him I wasn’t high.

    This is a twilight zone kind of day.