The Thousand Yard Stare

Now that I’ve sufficiently napped, and had time to get something to eat more substantial than Kolaches and Vodka – several things I thought of that I remembered:

* At the show, I was sitting dead ahead (or dead forward or right in front of…..you get the picture) of the mic – at the end table. Originally I was in the last chair before you hit the reserved section. This other guy is sitting across and two seats down from me (I’d draw a diagram but I’m feeling extREMELY lazy right now). There’s about 5 seats open, two or three to my left and two or three to his left. This girl comes up and she asks me, “Are you going to be using those chairs?”. Not one to pass up an extremely good setup, I say, “Only if I decide to lie down”. For some reason she finds this Hi-Freaking-Larious. So she says, “Oh you’re funny, maybe you should be onstage!” (!) Okay, now, I’m occasionally amusing, but that threw me a little – not to mention that it made me think her comedy standards may be far, FAR lower than my own. Which brings me to my next point – that girl…..

* is the girl who snort/laughed throughout the entire show. Yes, she was at my table. It was mildly hard not laughing at her laugh, especially when she found something funny that only got a mild chuckle out of the rest of the table. We’d chuckle, she’d snort, we’d laugh (and everyone else around us) would laugh at her laughing. It was kind of like she was a laugh multiplier. She should probably hire herself out to struggling comedians. Joke bombs, mild chuckle from crowd, she snorts, crowd laughs. WIN! I think even the first comedian said something to the effect (after she snorted),”That’s going to be the best joke all night”.

* The guy who I was originally sitting two seats down from, and after the snorting girls gang showed up, and I had moved in front of the guy, his two friends showed up. I’m going to give a disclaimer RIGHT NOW. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with gay people. AT ALL. It’s a FREE FREAKING COUNTRY. Do what you want to who you want to. With that out of the way, these two friends of the guy across from me were gay. Not crazy gay, but one of the guys had his arm around the other guys shoulder all night. Okay, there’s the setup. Again – no problem with gay people. Gay is AOK.
NOW, the situation that occurs when you’re sitting across from an obviously gay couple, at a comedy show, is that some comedian is going to whip out some gay jokes. Well…..that definitely happened. I don’t recall the comedienne’s name, but she started with her bit about her gay dad/uncles/relatives and the “dick broom” joke. All well and good. Well, kinda.
See, even though homophobic comedy (which I don’t necessarily recall hers being specifically) is targeting a general audience, and is a generalization of a minority, blah, blah, blah, I tend to see things in terms of comedy. It’s a lot like the generalizations that black dudes have big dicks (myth) and all white people can’t dance (not a myth, just kidding, myth). It’s the “common ground” theory – which is why broad based comedy works well. SO, whereas I’m not taking offense at these jokes (primarily because I’m not gay), they would stiffen up a little bit.
Now here’s the thing for me…..in order to not appear totally insensitive, I couldn’t really laugh loudly at the gay jokes – in fact our entire table was pretty quiet (except for the occasional snort) during “gay joke time”. That kind of sucked. Again, I have no problem with people’s lifestyles – and if something is funny, you should laugh. Perhaps I’ve said enough. (Lastly though, one of the gay dudes had a really thin black 80’s tie – I’m a sucker for a thin tie)

* The dude who had the (gay) friends, ordered his food. I recall being a starving high school/college student….but he’s asking the poor server what drinks (soft drinks) and did the bacon and mushroom cost an extra dollar? (Yes – and then he declined). His gay friends got soft drinks too. I felt so bad for her I tipped her extra EXTRA well to make up for it. That’s the kind of guy I am. LOL. “Hey lady, you’re not going to get tipped by these douches, so I’ll tip for them.” HA!

* Lastly, I do need to mention that Andrea is really cool – she’s as funny as you would think she would be from reading her writing (run-on-sentence? or just confusing). She got me in for free, and all her bits went over really well. (Except maybe throwing props for the Mavs. 😉 ) I don’t recall all of them at this moment, but I do remember really liking the camel cigarette bit.

AND LASTLY FOR THIS POST:

BECAUSE I KNOW IT’S KILLING YOU –

Here’s what I got at The Container Store.

I was originally looking for a battery organizer (my drawer full of crap is not doing it for me), but apparently I just couldn’t find it (probably an online only item). Somehow, the Container Store is very soothing to me….organization usually is. So I passed by that Pet Hair Lifter. I HAD to pick THAT up.

My tremendous decision to get beautifully colored plum/maroon furniture was not properly thought through in regards to cat hair.

The butter containers, I can’t explain. I don’t even know. I did need a sugar container though.

>>>>NEWS FLASH<<<<

That stupid cat hair thing works like a freaking charm! It’s AWESOME!!! And only 6 bucks!!!