• Tag Archives Debauchery
  • “Nothing in the universe can travel at the speed of light, they say, forgetful of the shadow’s speed.” Howard Nemerov

    Now that I’ve sufficiently napped, and had time to get something to eat more substantial than Kolaches and Vodka – several things I thought of that I remembered:

    * At the show, I was sitting dead ahead (or dead forward or right in front of…..you get the picture) of the mic – at the end table. Originally I was in the last chair before you hit the reserved section. This other guy is sitting across and two seats down from me (I’d draw a diagram but I’m feeling extREMELY lazy right now). There’s about 5 seats open, two or three to my left and two or three to his left. This girl comes up and she asks me, “Are you going to be using those chairs?”. Not one to pass up an extremely good setup, I say, “Only if I decide to lie down”. For some reason she finds this Hi-Freaking-Larious. So she says, “Oh you’re funny, maybe you should be onstage!” (!) Okay, now, I’m occasionally amusing, but that threw me a little – not to mention that it made me think her comedy standards may be far, FAR lower than my own. Which brings me to my next point – that girl…..

    * is the girl who snort/laughed throughout the entire show. Yes, she was at my table. It was mildly hard not laughing at her laugh, especially when she found something funny that only got a mild chuckle out of the rest of the table. We’d chuckle, she’d snort, we’d laugh (and everyone else around us) would laugh at her laughing. It was kind of like she was a laugh multiplier. She should probably hire herself out to struggling comedians. Joke bombs, mild chuckle from crowd, she snorts, crowd laughs. WIN! I think even the first comedian said something to the effect (after she snorted),”That’s going to be the best joke all night”.

    * The guy who I was originally sitting two seats down from, and after the snorting girls gang showed up, and I had moved in front of the guy, his two friends showed up. I’m going to give a disclaimer RIGHT NOW. I have absolutely NO PROBLEM with gay people. AT ALL. It’s a FREE FREAKING COUNTRY. Do what you want to who you want to. With that out of the way, these two friends of the guy across from me were gay. Not crazy gay, but one of the guys had his arm around the other guys shoulder all night. Okay, there’s the setup. Again – no problem with gay people. Gay is AOK.
    NOW, the situation that occurs when you’re sitting across from an obviously gay couple, at a comedy show, is that some comedian is going to whip out some gay jokes. Well…..that definitely happened. I don’t recall the comedienne’s name, but she started with her bit about her gay dad/uncles/relatives and the “dick broom” joke. All well and good. Well, kinda.
    See, even though homophobic comedy (which I don’t necessarily recall hers being specifically) is targeting a general audience, and is a generalization of a minority, blah, blah, blah, I tend to see things in terms of comedy. It’s a lot like the generalizations that black dudes have big dicks (myth) and all white people can’t dance (not a myth, just kidding, myth). It’s the “common ground” theory – which is why broad based comedy works well. SO, whereas I’m not taking offense at these jokes (primarily because I’m not gay), they would stiffen up a little bit.
    Now here’s the thing for me…..in order to not appear totally insensitive, I couldn’t really laugh loudly at the gay jokes – in fact our entire table was pretty quiet (except for the occasional snort) during “gay joke time”. That kind of sucked. Again, I have no problem with people’s lifestyles – and if something is funny, you should laugh. Perhaps I’ve said enough. (Lastly though, one of the gay dudes had a really thin black 80’s tie – I’m a sucker for a thin tie)

    * The dude who had the (gay) friends, ordered his food. I recall being a starving high school/college student….but he’s asking the poor server what drinks (soft drinks) and did the bacon and mushroom cost an extra dollar? (Yes – and then he declined). His gay friends got soft drinks too. I felt so bad for her I tipped her extra EXTRA well to make up for it. That’s the kind of guy I am. LOL. “Hey lady, you’re not going to get tipped by these douches, so I’ll tip for them.” HA!

    * Lastly, I do need to mention that Andrea is really cool – she’s as funny as you would think she would be from reading her writing (run-on-sentence? or just confusing). She got me in for free, and all her bits went over really well. (Except maybe throwing props for the Mavs. 😉 ) I don’t recall all of them at this moment, but I do remember really liking the camel cigarette bit.

    AND LASTLY FOR THIS POST:

    BECAUSE I KNOW IT’S KILLING YOU –

    Here’s what I got at The Container Store.

    I was originally looking for a battery organizer (my drawer full of crap is not doing it for me), but apparently I just couldn’t find it (probably an online only item). Somehow, the Container Store is very soothing to me….organization usually is. So I passed by that Pet Hair Lifter. I HAD to pick THAT up.

    My tremendous decision to get beautifully colored plum/maroon furniture was not properly thought through in regards to cat hair.

    containerstore

    The butter containers, I can’t explain. I don’t even know. I did need a sugar container though.

    >>>>NEWS FLASH<<<<

    That stupid cat hair thing works like a freaking charm! It’s AWESOME!!! And only 6 bucks!!!


  • “I would guess it was spur of the moment.” Steve Ryan

    Ahh….I’m so well rested. HA!

    I’m operating on about 6 espressos and four hours of sleep.

    Congratulations to Andrea for her advancement to the next round of FPIA.

    I made a road trip of it (last minute planning) and had a blast. It was well worth the drive.

    Racetrac (Collins/I-20): Fueling up for the haul.
    1

    Driving: I-20
    2

    Sanity:
    3

    Did I do this on purpose?
    4

    Brief foreshadowing on I-20
    5

    The essential building blocks of life: Water and Coffee (not ranked in importance)
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    TCC – after they drilled a gas rig into one of the fields….
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    Sheriff presence kept me from photographing the actual sign on I-20 splitting off onto I-35.
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    Rounding onto I-35S
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    Miller brewery down 35 – smells like bread/yeast
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    Huh. Blue skies ahead!
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    Tony the crippled tiger:
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    Heyyyy. What’s that up there?
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    Darn it. Thanks to the rain-x on my windshield, the drops looked like a swarm of sperm crawling up the glass. Creeepy.
    15

    Ha! Made it to Austin, so where’s the first place I go? Containerstore!!! They didn’t have what I was looking for *gasp* but I picked up some stuff anyway.
    16

    Here’s one of the Randall’s that I visited when I worked for the Deployment group at Safeway. I wandered in and used their bathroom. Also took a moment to phone my mother and find out about her ….uh…thing that’s happening.
    18

    Okay, so here’s where I stalled in taking a bunch of pictures. As much as I wanted to fully capture the experience on film, I didn’t want to be “that guy” who was taking pictures of everything in the world just so that I could post it to my silly little blog. Knowing that I was bumming a free ticket off Andrea before she was to go onstage, I didn’t want to stress her (or any of the other comics for that matter) out by taking pictures of everything that wasn’t nailed down. Sooo….I left the camera in the car. Note: I got EXACTLY the last parking space in the lot when I arrived.

    Watched the comics perform, Andrea rocked a great set and I watched a few more comics when it started closing in on 10:00pm. It was closing in on the tipping point for me. Either I was going to hang out, or head back home. I had already had err……quite a few vodkas…..so I knew I’d better get on the road to sober up. That’s right isn’t it? Caught up the the GirlonTop and chatted for a bit before taking off.

    I actually ended up leaving before she was announced as moving up to the next round – so I’ll be looking forward to hanging out longer when I find out what day the next round is. I’ll probably take some time off and get a room rather than drive back at night (again).

    So, back in the car, I did get some pictures, but as my last drink was a double (!) things get progressively shakier.

    Last Spot in the Lot:
    19

    I was there! Honest!
    20

    Drunk Dually Driving:
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    Pit Stop at the Czech Stop – ordered two Czech “Specials” and a Poppyseed Kolache. Mmm. Poppies!
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    Last shot of the Miller sign (inbound). By this point it was probably 12:45am. I’d been awake since 5:30am the previous morning, and had driven about six hours total – so I was pretty wiped out. (And almost sober. WHOOPS!)
    22

    Since I got to Austin so much earlier than the show, I did get to drive down Guadalupe/Lamar and get more of a sense of what Austin is actually about. People always told me that I would fit in better there, I never believed them. I guess I hadn’t been to the right places.

    Looking forward to going back soon……


  • “Supermarket automatic doors open for me; therefore, I am.” Craig Bruce

    I got a super automatic. Spoiled little boy.

    In an effort to seriously stop my drinking, I invested in a super automatic espresso machine. It does it all for you.

    Still in the testing phases……but I might not have to leave the house. Ever.

    Just kidding.

    Having not imbibed an alcoholic beverage in well over a week or so, I can definitely say that my thought process is about the same….only more sober.

    SO, am I drinking to escape? Or because I have nothing better to do?

    Also currently in the planning stages for going down for Texas Rockabilly Revival.


  • “You know, I had a great aunt once who said if you stare at a beautiful woman too long, you turn to stone. She was partially right.” Unknown

    I’ve been listening to an audiobook that details the inner workings/thoughts of women – more specifically how they think.

    While I don’t think that I’ve truly mastered or understand the process, I’ve got a much better understanding of the opposite sex.

    Now, granted, I don’t think this information would have even been much help six months ago…..

    Some information you’ve got to be in the right frame of mind for.


  • “Life, like poker, has an element of risk. It shouldn’t be avoided. It should be faced.” Edward Norton

    I’m sure EVERYONE was insanely curious…..

    I wore the yellow tie.

    Knowing that black, while classic, made me look like a secret service agent or a Blues Brother – that wasn’t the look I was going for last night.

    My friends hadn’t showed up yet when I arrived, and while I wasn’t overdressed by any stretch, was the only guy wearing a tie and a jacket. Which I kinda liked. Getting a chance to dress nicely every once in a while is fun. I stood around for the wine tasting, then commenced drinking water – while my friends weren’t there, I tend to get myself into trouble the more I drink. I guess you could call it hyper-socializing or something. My friends arrived and I have to say, we were the best dressed bunch there. I took the swing lessons with his wife, which were fun. The regular instructor bailed, so we learned the basic swing, and we didn’t do too badly – it was something I could see myself doing for a night out.

    Then poker began, and long story short, I won the tournament. I did get extremely lucky once and knocked someone out when I should have been knocked out, but I rivered her to get three of a kind. My Buddy played very well, and I was impressed.

    All in all, a fun evening – thanks everyone for your suggestions.


  • “If men can run the world, why can’t they stop wearing neckties. How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose around your neck.” Linda Ellerbee

    Okay – second try. Since most responses included the need for more information – such as time of day……..type of gathering……alcohol type served….

    Here is a little more information.

    I’m going to a gathering at a club this evening starting at six and lasting until……??? – it’s sort of a non-profit organization where all proceeds will benefit the club itself. They’re having a silent auction, a wine tasting, swing dance lessons (east coast style – hard), and then a poker tournament. I was initially invited to the poker tournament, but I may find myself on the dance floor.

    So let’s try this again –

    Yellow ? Or Black? I find that I’m partial to the yellow tie…..but it’s hard to beat classic black. Ignore the fact that I look like I’ve been awake for three days straight…..

    ties2