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  • “He’s had success, and she’s making us feel like he was a broke hobo that played a guitar on the street.” Justin Jones

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Sorry – it’s been pretty quiet at Chez Dave.

    Been working with the beneficiaries to get some stuff wrapped up. I have an appointment with the accountant tomorrow.

    Went to see a friend of my brother’s band at Pearl. Hung out with Ross and just goofed off. Drinking Pearl Lite.

    ……Vine Swinging Hobos……

    Ross

    I’m eating possibly the worst chicken fajita nachos ever. I just can’t stop.


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  • “Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman.” Ludwig van Beethoven

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I find it intensely interesting that human-kind insists on doing things that nature has clearly designed for us not to do.

    Case in point: Jalapenos and Peppers

    Met my ex-father in law last night for dinner. He was late, so I ordered (and consumed) a plate of fried jalapenos. When he got there, we ordered a sampler platter that included habanero hot wings.

    Needless to say, an hour later, my stomach/intestines/et al were in subcutaneous flames.

    If I was thinking it hurt yesterday – WOW – today has sucked.

    Anyway.

    I went and bought a wedding gift for my father’s girlfriends granddaughter’s wedding. Confusing?

    Also needed to finally get a nice suit to appear fully respectable at the wedding. I walked into the suit place and told the guy, “Okay, this is my first suit, and I’m going to be going to a wedding. I want this suit to say, “I respect your union of holy matrimony while simultaneously saying that I want all the bridesmaids to want to have sex with me.” He was quickly stunned, looked away as though about to laugh, then said “Okay, gotta get it back together, time to be professional”. So we worked on it a bit, he went to help another customer, and Tam called. She wasn’t doing anything, so I asked her to come help me pick a suit. As I was wandering around, the salesman said, “Do you need some more help?”. I told him that my ex-wife was coming by to help me out – “but not with the sex part”. Again he was stunned and tried very hard not to laugh.

    When she came in and I had some final questions, and he met her and shook her hand. He said, “I’ll pray for you” to her. LOL!

    As we’re walking away to get the fittings etc, I asked her if she thought it was odd that he was going to pray for her. She said it was, but then I explained the situation and Tam thought it was hilarious.

    The new Green Day CD is great! It’s a freaking great follow up to American Idiot.

    *EDIT* Forgot – one of the accounts was distributed (the main one that I was worried about) so now I’ve got a lot….less…..to…..worry…..about.


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  • “Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” Victor Hugo

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I’m back.

    Luckily – I’ve worked so many hours this week……

    Anyway.

    A short timeline – I staggered awake yesterday, and set out in search of a breakfast place in Austin. I picked The Omelettry. I was not disappointed. It was pretty much the quirky like diner type of place (cash only) that I would expect to find in Austin. Excellent food. I had a Popeye’s Favorite (spinach and bacon) Omelette and a side of ginger pancakes. The pancakes were great – although ended up weighing like cement on my drive back to Corpus. Before the comedy show I did go to Antonio’s Mexican Restaurant. No great shakes – Migas con Fajitas was pretty good although the place was deserted.

    Back to Corpus I went. These road trips have really made me detest fast food. Really. Rather than leave and get home earlier, I stopped for a sit down at Jason’s Deli. Had a really good Chicken Panini – the bread was not greasy with butter as most panini sandwiches are. Protein in belly, drove back to the office. Got home at two am this morning.

    I just watched the Mitch Hedberg DVD, and while it was short, I did find the uncut version of his TV special really interesting. The set of material that he had prepared for the special itself – was pretty much bombing. It wasn’t until he pretty much said, “Well, that was it for the special, I’ll keep telling some more jokes for editing”. That’s when he really started to flow.

    Austin has got a lot of funny comedians (and comediennes) – the show was a lot of fun, my throat hurts from laughing – which is always a good sign.

    Time was well spent discovering things about Austin. I can’t wait to go back.


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  • “Act like a lady, think like a man” Steve Harvey (taken completely out of context reads much funnier)

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    A while back, I made some (as normal) smart ass comment on a thread at Heartless Doll.

    Little did I know, the subject would hit so close to home.

    While in Houston, I was at my mother’s house, and she has this book. (!!!!)

    I dared not ask her about it, and I secretly wanted to see where it was bookmarked, but I think the horror and sleeplessness that may have occurred as a result might have scarred me for life. So I avoided it.


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  • “East bound and down, loaded up and truckin’ a’we gonna do what they say can’t be done” Jerry Reed

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare 2 Comments

    Well, I made the sprint home since it was still daylight, and the zombies don’t come out until after dark (obviously).

    Some random statistics (all approximated as I did not have an official statistician onboard).

    Miles driven: 1200 (give or take a few hundred)
    Hours in the vehicle: 22
    Days out: 2
    Average amount of time excessively above the speed limit: 80%
    Number of times I wished I would be ticketed for going 20 miles over the speed limit (as to be fired instantly from my job): 5
    Number of times I intentionally sped 20 miles over the speed limit: 2
    Chance of someone checking the satellite log on the vehicle to scope how fast I was speeding: 0 (give or take 10% – we just upgraded the system)
    Chance of me losing my job if someone does check the log: 50%
    Number of bugs splattered on the windshield: 45 (give or take)
    Number of times I attempted to use the onboard wipers and misting to clear said bugs: 4
    Number of times this cleaned anything: 0
    Number of law enforcement vehicles seen during entire trip: 15
    Number of times I was nearly run off the road: 1
    Number of Poppyseed Kolaches consumed: 2 (it would have been four – lesson learned is if there is a bus parked next to the czech stop, don’t bother stopping)
    Number of times I thought about sex: Every seven seconds. See?
    Number of CD’s I had with me: 8
    Number of times I listened to Imelda May: 8
    Number of times I listened to Brian Setzer Orchestra: 12
    Number of times I listened to American Idiot: 47 (approximate)
    Number of times I wished that my Chris Isaak CD case wasn’t empty (where IS that disc?): 7
    Number of Home Depot/McDonalds/KFC/Burger King/Lowes/Designer Outlet complexes passed during the trip: Uncountable. More fuel for my theory that I could go to Iowa, and it will look just like Texas.
    Number of BBQ joints passed: 13
    Number of times I got odd looks because I was singing along with a CD: 4
    Number of times that I said “God-Dammit” because someone was going slow in front of me: 17
    Number of times I believed in “God”: 0
    Number of haircuts: 1
    Number of times regretting getting a haircut: 3

    Main thing learned from this trip:

    DO BILLBOARDS WORK? JUST DID!!!

    I think that’s about all I’ve got.

    I’m pretty tired now.


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  • “I’m getting too old for this….” Danny Glover in every lethal weapon movie

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    SNAFU! FUBAR! SNAFU! FUBAR! SNAFU! FUBAR! SNAFU! FUBAR! SNAFU! FUBAR! SNAFU! FUBAR! SNAFU! FUBAR!

    But really folks. It’s not just SNAFU. It’s not just FUBAR. I shall now dub this trip SNAFUBAR.

    SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!! SNAFUBAR!!!

    My happy little ass woke up this morning at 5am to begin the lengthy drive to Corpus Christi. Made it to Corpus around one. Left around three after convincing the helpdesk it wasn’t our problem. Found out about forty minutes later (after driving away) that I would need to go back because they’re complete idiots and couldn’t grab me before I left.

    So I’m in Houston. Sorry – I forgot the camera, it was either the camera or the coffee – and we all know which way that willow would bend.

    I’ll be here (briefly) tonight and tomorrow morning while I get some estate stuff done (briefly) then I drive back to Corpus. SNAFUBAR!!!!!

    Then, I’m feeling pretty tired as of RIGHT NOW, so I’m probably going to have a layover in Austin Saturday night. I can’t handle eleven more hours of driving in one day. This should give me a nice chance to hang out…..before driving back to Austin on Tuesday for GirlOnTop‘s FPIA show. Be there or be square people!!!

    SNNNNAAAAAFFFUUUUUUUBBBBBAAAARRRRR!!!!


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