• “Being kissed is an occupational hazard of police work.” Jack Morgan

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?

    Louis CK has a great bit about being white, and he hit it dead on.

    I got pulled over today by a Coppell police officer. Speeding? Check. Talking on the cell phone while speeding? Check.

    Respectfully, I told the truth, that I, “Really didn’t have a good reason to be speeding”. (Not like when I got pulled over in 1995, with a baby* not in a car seat, speeding, with a priest license and got smart with the cop, “Because I was in a hurry?” – and I still got let off then too)

    He asks me what I do, and I tell him, then he lets me go with a warning.

    Now……I’ve heard……..that it’s pretty rare that you’ll be let off in Coppell.

    I am one lucky (white) sunofdabitch.

    It’s also a good thing that I was in the work Honda Element and not my car.

    If it had been my car? Ticket for sure.

    Tomorrow I get Lo-Jack installed, and I can momentarily stop stressing out about leaving my car anywhere for extended periods of time.

    And because it’s such a great bit:

    * Edit * I just noticed a total continuity error during his last line. Obviously filmed more than once…….See if you can catch it!

    *not mine by the way


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  • “I just didn’t want to make another movie about teenagers being stalked,” Wes Craven

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    The reason that blogs are generally not interesting is the same reason that I’ve read that the majority of screenplays written by your average amateur writer are not readable – because everybody tends to “write what you know”. What the majority of people “know” is their own lives – and what they’re doing day to day (myself included). Some people (professional bloggers included) are (to me) exquisitely able to look outside of their own focus and write about other things. Speaking of which, Girlontop needs to bust out a screenplay one of these days – although I don’t have any suggestions.

    Creatively and artistically, I file somewhat lower than amateur – I’ve never followed through in writing anything significant, and while I am aiming to musically expand myself after years of just tooling around, I don’t foresee that the caliber of my compositions will change the world.

    I’m okay with that.

    So. On to the day to day –

    As a homeowner, some things give me perverse pride in doing. I busted ass on Friday and fixed a toilet, mowed the lawn, got my (car) windows tinted (more), and did four loads of laundry. In three hours….

    I spent most of Saturday in Waxahachie (TX) watching my daughter’s dance recitals. After I was there for six hours I had to bail. The battery on my mp3 player gave out, and I couldn’t take it any more.

    Two entertaining occasions when Rod and I went out recently –

    1) We sat down, and the first words out of our server’s mouth: “You look like Morgan Freeman….”

    2) We’re walking out of the restaurant:

    Me (talking to Rod): That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
    Server: That’s a song.
    Me: What?
    Server: That’s a song.
    Me: Really? I’ve never heard it…
    Server: It’s a country song – you’ve never heard it?
    Me: Nope
    Server: So you’re saying the saying that came from that song but you never heard it?
    Me: Uh……….no. I’ll have to Google it.


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  • “Looks like you’ve lost the keys to the clue-mobile” Martin Poulter

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Right now it’s a quiet time.

    Coffee maker is warming up……waking up from a three hour nap. I had to work today – and yesterday – so I’m pretty out of it. Is it Tuesday?? I have to quit taking that Xanax – it keeps knocking me out.

    Memorial Day.

    Traded in the Hondas on Saturday….and got another Honda.  I’ve been asked what I’ve named it, but nothing has sprung forth as fitting. I’m tending to call it my “mid-life-crisis-mobile”. But that’s a little wordy. Actually, I only half heartedly call it that. I went through a lot of different choices before I picked it and several of those cars were definitely mid-life-crisis worthy. The last one I weeded out before the Honda was the Mazda RX8. Unfortunately, the RX8 Renesis engine has a rather disturbing trend of burning up engines when using manufacturers recommended oil weight.  While the rotary engine is simple, I don’t think that rebuilding it every 30,000 miles is something I wanted to do.

    Plus, I know Honda cars pretty well – starting with my blue Acura back in the mid-nineties.  I know what goes wrong with them, they’re reliable, good with gas, not going bankrupt…..

    mlcm

    It’s a 2006 Civic SI……It’s really fast. And black.

    I didn’t realize that it’s faster than my brother’s mini Cooper until I looked it up.

    While I did have a Cobra alarm on the Acura (as anyone who was concious in the 90’s remembers the destinctive 6 alarm wail of), this will be the first car that I’ve installed Lo-Jack on.

    Needless to say, car thieves like fast cars with fast engines.


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  • “He’s had success, and she’s making us feel like he was a broke hobo that played a guitar on the street.” Justin Jones

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    Sorry – it’s been pretty quiet at Chez Dave.

    Been working with the beneficiaries to get some stuff wrapped up. I have an appointment with the accountant tomorrow.

    Went to see a friend of my brother’s band at Pearl. Hung out with Ross and just goofed off. Drinking Pearl Lite.

    ……Vine Swinging Hobos……

    Ross

    I’m eating possibly the worst chicken fajita nachos ever. I just can’t stop.


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  • “Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman.” Ludwig van Beethoven

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I find it intensely interesting that human-kind insists on doing things that nature has clearly designed for us not to do.

    Case in point: Jalapenos and Peppers

    Met my ex-father in law last night for dinner. He was late, so I ordered (and consumed) a plate of fried jalapenos. When he got there, we ordered a sampler platter that included habanero hot wings.

    Needless to say, an hour later, my stomach/intestines/et al were in subcutaneous flames.

    If I was thinking it hurt yesterday – WOW – today has sucked.

    Anyway.

    I went and bought a wedding gift for my father’s girlfriends granddaughter’s wedding. Confusing?

    Also needed to finally get a nice suit to appear fully respectable at the wedding. I walked into the suit place and told the guy, “Okay, this is my first suit, and I’m going to be going to a wedding. I want this suit to say, “I respect your union of holy matrimony while simultaneously saying that I want all the bridesmaids to want to have sex with me.” He was quickly stunned, looked away as though about to laugh, then said “Okay, gotta get it back together, time to be professional”. So we worked on it a bit, he went to help another customer, and Tam called. She wasn’t doing anything, so I asked her to come help me pick a suit. As I was wandering around, the salesman said, “Do you need some more help?”. I told him that my ex-wife was coming by to help me out – “but not with the sex part”. Again he was stunned and tried very hard not to laugh.

    When she came in and I had some final questions, and he met her and shook her hand. He said, “I’ll pray for you” to her. LOL!

    As we’re walking away to get the fittings etc, I asked her if she thought it was odd that he was going to pray for her. She said it was, but then I explained the situation and Tam thought it was hilarious.

    The new Green Day CD is great! It’s a freaking great follow up to American Idiot.

    *EDIT* Forgot – one of the accounts was distributed (the main one that I was worried about) so now I’ve got a lot….less…..to…..worry…..about.


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  • “Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” Victor Hugo

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    I’m back.

    Luckily – I’ve worked so many hours this week……

    Anyway.

    A short timeline – I staggered awake yesterday, and set out in search of a breakfast place in Austin. I picked The Omelettry. I was not disappointed. It was pretty much the quirky like diner type of place (cash only) that I would expect to find in Austin. Excellent food. I had a Popeye’s Favorite (spinach and bacon) Omelette and a side of ginger pancakes. The pancakes were great – although ended up weighing like cement on my drive back to Corpus. Before the comedy show I did go to Antonio’s Mexican Restaurant. No great shakes – Migas con Fajitas was pretty good although the place was deserted.

    Back to Corpus I went. These road trips have really made me detest fast food. Really. Rather than leave and get home earlier, I stopped for a sit down at Jason’s Deli. Had a really good Chicken Panini – the bread was not greasy with butter as most panini sandwiches are. Protein in belly, drove back to the office. Got home at two am this morning.

    I just watched the Mitch Hedberg DVD, and while it was short, I did find the uncut version of his TV special really interesting. The set of material that he had prepared for the special itself – was pretty much bombing. It wasn’t until he pretty much said, “Well, that was it for the special, I’ll keep telling some more jokes for editing”. That’s when he really started to flow.

    Austin has got a lot of funny comedians (and comediennes) – the show was a lot of fun, my throat hurts from laughing – which is always a good sign.

    Time was well spent discovering things about Austin. I can’t wait to go back.


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  • “Act like a lady, think like a man” Steve Harvey (taken completely out of context reads much funnier)

    Posted on by The Thousand Yard Stare Comment

    A while back, I made some (as normal) smart ass comment on a thread at Heartless Doll.

    Little did I know, the subject would hit so close to home.

    While in Houston, I was at my mother’s house, and she has this book. (!!!!)

    I dared not ask her about it, and I secretly wanted to see where it was bookmarked, but I think the horror and sleeplessness that may have occurred as a result might have scarred me for life. So I avoided it.


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