Well, I’m just picture-tastic this week. Stolen from a friend who photoed me at the latest burlesque show.
How many things can you find “wrong” in this picture?
- Tag Archives Humor
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“Some time in the future, it could be possible to take limited numbers of visitors on specialist leopard-tracking expeditions.” Quinton Martins
You know it’s trouble when I break out the leopard-print creepers…..
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“I have some white customers but not as many as I’d like. I think some people feel intimidated walking into a barbershop like this, but I’m trying to change that. When people come in here and they ask ‘do you cut white folks’ hair?’ I always say I cut hair period. Of all colors, white, green blue, whatever you got.” Rick James
Nobody liked the red hair. Least of all me. So I went blue.
We’ll see how it goes.
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“Bicycles are almost as good as guitars for meeting girls” Bob Weir
Those bastards laugh at the green hair, until all the pretty girls come talk to ME
Muaaaahahahahaha!!!
All part of my evil plan.
Now that I’ve got an all day Chemistry class on Saturdays, I probably need to be sleeping right now….uh….yeah….sleeping.
Oops.
Going back to school…….makes me have so much in common with the young folk of today.
Example:
My teacher (who is probably only 10-15 years older than me)
Teacher: Does anyone know why the death of Michael Jackson is so important?
Me: Anyone who was alive in the 80’s knows why Michael Jackson was so important…
Dude (kid) sitting behind me: Man, if I was alive in the 80’s I wouldn’t be listening to that – I’d be listening to Testament. Metal!
Me: Uh….only in the late 80’s.
This kid was probably born the year I graduated high school. Now THAT is depressing.
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“May you have warmth in your igloo, oil in your lamp, and peace in your heart” Eskimo Proverb
Sundays appear to be good days to update. Again, I’m not sure why.
I’ve got a student coming over in about an hour and a half – and I’ll be giving another guitar lesson.
Yesterday, my brother picked me up and we went to a small get together with some of his friends from school – I’m a at good place in my life, and didn’t feel as …..inferior….. as I normally do. Over time, I’m finally getting to the conclusion that as long as I’m happy with what I’m doing, then the rest falls into place. We drove around a bunch in Ft Worth and went to the stockyards. My green hair went over pretty well there – in a lot of ways it was like being in Houston. The really “square” folks stared – everyone else pretty much ignored me. It was definitely a fun time – Ross’ buddies are all pretty quick on the draw.
School starts tomorrow. All my credits have been accounted for. After I finish this 13 hours this semester, I’ll only need four more classes to get an Associates Degree. I’m not stopping there though – I’m going to transfer into the college around the corner and go for a degree in Music Business/Recording. Not quite sure of all the different parts of it, but that’s the plan. Having the plan is good enough right now.
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“How many people make themselves abstract to appear profound. The most useful part of abstract terms are the shadows they create to hide a vacuum.” Joseph Joubert
I wish I had something interesting to report.
Things are kind of slow when my daughter isn’t around, and my green hair only entertains me so much. I hear from my lawyer that I will need to go back to blonde before the probate hearing. Yay me. Then it’s back to green.
Being unemployed is a little surreal. It will be good to go back to school, giving me a daily goal (wake up, go to school, repeat).
I’m using a book that teaches fretboard logic – and it’s working very well for me. I’m really happy with it.
Picked up a ton of $2 bills at the bank today. I wiped them out. Why? Why not? It’s legal US currency – it’s time to reintroduce it into circulation. C’mon people! Do your part!
Going to have a parent/teacher conference tamale. Little one made “student of the hour” last week – of which I am extremely proud. The things you do for your kids…..
She’s enjoying the whole process which is awesome. This is exactly what she needed. I can enthusiastically endorse Sylvan Learning Center.
Am considering doing the P90X program – my insurance agent/guitar teacher does it and he loves it.
I’m trying to use every Category that I have…..here we go – I’m close.
Installed a new toilet the other day – life is so much better with a new toilet. Don’t underestimate the power of a new toilet.
Speaking of humor….just kidding. I honestly have had more conversations with this hair than I can count. People say the oddest things. Which is great, because it’s sharpening my response skills.
“Which came first, the chicken? Or the egg?”
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“On a bell curve, we’re all born with certain skills. Some people are better track runners than others, and on and on, and everyone knows this. But there are some people who are more psychic, more tuned in. If you’re too far above average, you can walk down the street, go into information overload, be empathic, be an empath, pick up all the feelings of all the people around you… and your life can be miserable.” Major Ed Dames
In further conversation with an aforementioned beautiful women, regarding my previous theory she said (and I quote)
“I just can’t understand why guys do some of the things they do – I mean, I just don’t get it”
So I said, “It’s because they’re male, and you’re a gorgeous woman.”
So, I came to the conclusion that there’s a pretty typical bell curve (which I am too lazy to illustrate or even steal somewhere off the web).
Whereby – there is a chasm of understanding between what men will do for a gorgeous woman, and what a gorgeous woman understands a man will do for a beautiful woman (the bottom of either side of the bell curve).
AND
a very close margin of understanding of what men will do for a gorgeous woman, and what a gorgeous woman understands a man will do for a beautiful woman (the top of the bell curve).
So:
At the bottom of the bell curve, there’s probably the typical “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” understanding.
At the middle of the bell curve – where most of us are, realize the differences and there’s a give and take between the sexes’ realities.
At the top of the bell curve, are the people who know what they’ve got, know how to use it to their advantage, and could get the opposite of their sex to commit murder and make them think it was their idea.
Totally non-scientific – but entertaining nontheless.
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“Being kissed is an occupational hazard of police work.” Jack Morgan
It’s because I’m white, isn’t it?
Louis CK has a great bit about being white, and he hit it dead on.
I got pulled over today by a Coppell police officer. Speeding? Check. Talking on the cell phone while speeding? Check.
Respectfully, I told the truth, that I, “Really didn’t have a good reason to be speeding”. (Not like when I got pulled over in 1995, with a baby* not in a car seat, speeding, with a priest license and got smart with the cop, “Because I was in a hurry?” – and I still got let off then too)
He asks me what I do, and I tell him, then he lets me go with a warning.
Now……I’ve heard……..that it’s pretty rare that you’ll be let off in Coppell.
I am one lucky (white) sunofdabitch.
It’s also a good thing that I was in the work Honda Element and not my car.
If it had been my car? Ticket for sure.
Tomorrow I get Lo-Jack installed, and I can momentarily stop stressing out about leaving my car anywhere for extended periods of time.
And because it’s such a great bit:
* Edit * I just noticed a total continuity error during his last line. Obviously filmed more than once…….See if you can catch it!*not mine by the way
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“I just didn’t want to make another movie about teenagers being stalked,” Wes Craven
The reason that blogs are generally not interesting is the same reason that I’ve read that the majority of screenplays written by your average amateur writer are not readable – because everybody tends to “write what you know”. What the majority of people “know” is their own lives – and what they’re doing day to day (myself included). Some people (professional bloggers included) are (to me) exquisitely able to look outside of their own focus and write about other things. Speaking of which, Girlontop needs to bust out a screenplay one of these days – although I don’t have any suggestions.
Creatively and artistically, I file somewhat lower than amateur – I’ve never followed through in writing anything significant, and while I am aiming to musically expand myself after years of just tooling around, I don’t foresee that the caliber of my compositions will change the world.
I’m okay with that.
So. On to the day to day –
As a homeowner, some things give me perverse pride in doing. I busted ass on Friday and fixed a toilet, mowed the lawn, got my (car) windows tinted (more), and did four loads of laundry. In three hours….
I spent most of Saturday in Waxahachie (TX) watching my daughter’s dance recitals. After I was there for six hours I had to bail. The battery on my mp3 player gave out, and I couldn’t take it any more.
Two entertaining occasions when Rod and I went out recently –
1) We sat down, and the first words out of our server’s mouth: “You look like Morgan Freeman….”
2) We’re walking out of the restaurant:
Me (talking to Rod): That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.
Server: That’s a song.
Me: What?
Server: That’s a song.
Me: Really? I’ve never heard it…
Server: It’s a country song – you’ve never heard it?
Me: Nope
Server: So you’re saying the saying that came from that song but you never heard it?
Me: Uh……….no. I’ll have to Google it.
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“Music should strike fire from the heart of man, and bring tears from the eyes of woman.” Ludwig van Beethoven
I find it intensely interesting that human-kind insists on doing things that nature has clearly designed for us not to do.
Case in point: Jalapenos and Peppers
Met my ex-father in law last night for dinner. He was late, so I ordered (and consumed) a plate of fried jalapenos. When he got there, we ordered a sampler platter that included habanero hot wings.
Needless to say, an hour later, my stomach/intestines/et al were in subcutaneous flames.
If I was thinking it hurt yesterday – WOW – today has sucked.
Anyway.
I went and bought a wedding gift for my father’s girlfriends granddaughter’s wedding. Confusing?
Also needed to finally get a nice suit to appear fully respectable at the wedding. I walked into the suit place and told the guy, “Okay, this is my first suit, and I’m going to be going to a wedding. I want this suit to say, “I respect your union of holy matrimony while simultaneously saying that I want all the bridesmaids to want to have sex with me.” He was quickly stunned, looked away as though about to laugh, then said “Okay, gotta get it back together, time to be professional”. So we worked on it a bit, he went to help another customer, and Tam called. She wasn’t doing anything, so I asked her to come help me pick a suit. As I was wandering around, the salesman said, “Do you need some more help?”. I told him that my ex-wife was coming by to help me out – “but not with the sex part”. Again he was stunned and tried very hard not to laugh.
When she came in and I had some final questions, and he met her and shook her hand. He said, “I’ll pray for you” to her. LOL!
As we’re walking away to get the fittings etc, I asked her if she thought it was odd that he was going to pray for her. She said it was, but then I explained the situation and Tam thought it was hilarious.
The new Green Day CD is great! It’s a freaking great follow up to American Idiot.
*EDIT* Forgot – one of the accounts was distributed (the main one that I was worried about) so now I’ve got a lot….less…..to…..worry…..about.